Hello!!!!!!! Jenny here!  I am in weigh in count down mode.  My old unhealthy habits have a way of creeping back into my mind.  Like, How can I eat just veggies for the next few days and not eat after 4pm.   SOOOOOO UNREALISTIC.  Not to mention,  this mentality doesn’t make my personality sparkle!  We are staying so strong, why fuck it up with a one day a month eating disorder!!!! nope.   More than anything else, my beautiful London is watching and hearing EVERYTHING!  I leave all my F bombs for the blog!!!

Nothing would hurt me more than if I knew London was uncomfortable with her body because that was all she knew.  I know that the feelings I have for my own body directly influence her.  As well as what we are eating and the relationship this family has with food.  And it’s really hard!  Comfort eating is all I know! We went to the Doctor on Monday and she has a little ear infection and had to get some shots and right after I wanted to comfort her with kisses and an ice cream girls day. It broke my heart to see her in pain.  But……..It is true, I want her to know more than I did.   I am so grateful my mom had a really positive body image.  She never said she was fat or hated her arms or thighs.  So I have always been positive too, but my internal dialog has been unhappy for a while now. But I want moooooorre!!!    I want London to remember what we did together and not just what we ate.     Sooo  we are going to start cooking together.  Giada on the Food Network always has little Jade in the kitchen with her.  And she eats everything they make together!     I want her to totally own the meals we make and feel more confident because of it.

She loves doing whatever my husband and I are doing.  It’s really easy to miss the little moments that can bond us together due to out fast pace schedules and completely overwhelming life in general.  That can not be the excuse though.  Those things will always be there.   And I want to set her up for success!!!!!!!  This can’t just be about my journey,  my family has to come with me.  It is Brandon and I who need to teach her about good health.   I am new at this concept of good health,  so knowing I need to teach someone else and lead by example  is really intimidating.  But I Have too. Enough said.  BOOM!

Sara’s post yesterday is completely relatable.  I don’t think people are ever sure what I am going to look like until they see me.  This Up and Down thing is so mentally exhausting!  But when I do get down, I am terrified about maintaining.  I am really good at losing weight!  I really suck at living a balanced life style.  As you’ve read,  it’s been a Go Big or Go Home  life I’ve been leading.  Having London has made me so much more consistent with routine.  Some really good and others really bad. Eating was a thoughtless activity. Completely careless about what I was putting in my mouth, because I DESERVED IT. I wasn’t respecting myself!  YUCKKK I hate saying that out loud,  Woooof. I deserved to be miserable?!?!?! huh.    It’s really interesting, when Sara and I started this whole thing I was really passionate about being self-aware.  When you have to sit down everyday and write your feelings out , It is nuts what you learn about yourself.  This journey is becoming more than I ever thought it would be.  So I say bring it on Dr. Phil!!!  I am in the hot chair. And I am ready to answer the heavy questions!  #spiritalanimalBEAR #besties #familylove #strongerthenyesterday!

Here are just a few pics of my weight all over the place…… who the fuck is that????  oh yeah it’s me!