Two Meatballs: It’s a Low Down, Dirty Shame…That I Feel Inside

Hello again, Sara here.  Today I want to dive headfirst in to the most useless yet harmful feeling in my spice rack of feelings…shame.

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Even as I type it, I feel it.  It is an insidious word that sounds exactly like it feels.  Disappointment, regret, jealousy, failure or anger…although not super positive feelings can all motivate me to make a change that I need to make or to at least take a hard look at myself. This may sound familiar, this ins’t our first rodeo on the topic as you’ll read.

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But there is something about SHAME that sucks you into a deep, dark, cavernous, insurmountable hole that swallows you up while you wallow in self doubt…or it can be as subtle as making you question your every move.  Everyone has a moment or series of moments in our lives where we have felt ashamed, some of us deeply. But if you know me, or have read this blog, you’ll know that previously, that was not a feeling I readily acknowledged in myself.  I adorably wrote about how damaging it was to feel shame, writing it almost as if it were a choice that people decided to feel and one that I had moved past, deciding to rise above if you will! #ughsara #hahasweetgirl You guyssss, it is really interesting having a blog!

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Writing things down in different stages of your life…publishing them for the world to see, growing, changing, going back and rereading your own words and wanting to take a DeLorean back to the past and yell in your own face, “GIRL, YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT!!!”

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But, I’m not here to beat myself up!

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I’ve always had the best of intentions with this blog and you can’t put an old head on young shoulders.  Everything that I wrote in the past on this subject came from a sweet place of wanting people to accept their bodies.  My positivity is so high and I see everyones potential and I hated to see people holding themselves back from whatever they wanted to do or be.  I was only seeing shame as a way that people felt about their bodies. But I just hadn’t deeply connected with my own feelings yet.  I didn’t understand all of the ways that shame presented itself. I was just at the beginning of truly knowing all of me, not just the fun parts. #heyoh I hadn’t/still haven’t discovered all of the things the world has to show me and as you know, I’m bout that growth!

 

2017 was the year that I was “supposed to embrace the feelings you’ve been shoving away for so long. This year is all about confronting the emotions that you have been trying to avoid.”-according to my horoscope which you know I think is everything…mostly bc this was absolutely right.

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I realized I had some pieces of my puzzle missing.  I was struggling to identify what I was actually feeling after becoming sober and losing my Grandma Apple.  Having looked at the sunny side of life forever or using mind altering substances to avoid what I didn’t want to look at, I found myself submerged into the great unknown in my 30’s and I needed some help sorting through it all.

The help I needed came in the form of a therapist and healer that I’ve been seeing for almost a decade. #hiterri  She offered her assistance and I jumped on the chance.  I knew it was going to be tough but I trust her so much and I really wanted to dive off this cliff into greater understanding.  Pieces of my soul were missing. There weren’t as many tears as I  had expected.  We kept peeling layers off of this onion and a lot of things came up, but I hadn’t hit that pivotal point yet.  Until she finally asked me, what’s left, what’s trapped in there?  And without hesitation I said shame.  Honestly, it wasn’t so much that I said it as it came barreling out of me.  I surprised myself with this, I loved my body after all!

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She said keep going and what I had needed to happen for 28 years happened…the floodgates opened.  I couldn’t stop sharing my feelings nor could I hold back the tears #bawling.  Turns out that since the tornado (more on that in a later post) I have subconsciously felt ashamed of having any negative feelings.  I didn’t want anyone to worry about me and I didn’t want my feelings to be a burden on others so I swallowed the overwhelming fear that was taking over my life and told everyone for the next couple of decades that everything was fine…great actually. By never letting myself tap into those feelings I was teaching myself that I was not worthy of having them…stunting my ability to ever know what or how I truly felt.

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I’ve never cried so hard or felt so much relief.

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I needed to look my shame in the face, hear myself say it out loud and let it the fuck go!  I am allowed to have all the feelings on earth and beyond and let me tell you something sisters…I do.  I feel everything now and everyday I am learning how to do it without judging myself.

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I think I had to find myself and accept myself before I ever had a fighting chance of getting and staying healthy and it is a process that I imagine is never-ending.  Everything else has been a temporary fix…that shame was stalking me and watching my every move, whispering in my ear.  She sure wasn’t going to let me live my best life without a fight and without fully accepting and taking the things that scare me head on.  Who knew that my own feelings would be the thing I feared most? And I may not have seen the last of her, but next time I will yell from the top of my lungs,”I’m drowning, please help me.”

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I know that I am not alone and I really appreciate you letting me spill me guts.  I wasn’t ready to share this for awhile.  I needed it to just be mine.  I had to start getting in touch with all of the feelings that I pushed violently to the side over the years, but I’m ready now.

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This is what I have learned…I don’t know shit and we’re all just trying to figure it out together!  And I think that is so exciting.  If you are struggling with shame or finding your feelings, voice, self, insert blank…I am here for you.  We have to stick together bc it’s a lot less scary in the dark when we’re together.  I love y’all so much.

Xoxo,

Sara

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Two Meatballs: Hey Good Cookin’

Hello world!!!!  Sara over here.  Before we jump in today, I just want to thank everyone for all the love and for welcoming us back with open arms.  #hugsaremyfavorite #physicaltouchismylovelanguage

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I may never stop crying!!!  Jenny and I were genuinely overwhelmed by your support and encouragement.  It’s intimidating to come back…after a year and a half hiatus…fat again…actually fatter…after you waxed poetic on how enlightened you were!!!

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But you all made it so easy, so thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Now that I feel back and accepted and accepting of myself, I have learned a really valuable lesson….many valuable lessons actually, but lets start here: If I want to get healthy, I have to cook for myself.  Sounds so simple doesn’t it?!  But you guys, I had been out of my kitchen for so long!!!  If you’ll remember, I had it beautifully remodeled as I simultaneously QUICK COOKING and started eating out for literally every single meal! Which gets very old very quickly.  And you won’t even believe what else happens when you never visit your kitchen…you gain so much weight…like not a little bit, like ALL OF THE WEIGHT.  Why guys?!  Why is it so hard sometimes.  It makes me furious!!!

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Why does it feel impossible to see the light or to simply see past the chicken nuggets and fries in your hand.  I personally find bad for you food incredibly comforting in down times and times of need.  It can become for me like a peer pressuring friend.  I seem to never be able to be satisfied, or better yet full. Hmmm, sounds like my addictive personality right!? Probably because the shitty food isn’t really what I need at all huh? And I can certainly hear reason in the back of my head screaming to be heard…Sara, don’t do this.  This isn’t what you want or need!!!!  But that only makes me go in to avoidance mode. #seeya

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And when it gets to that place of avoidance and disappointment…and let’s be real; shame (more on that in a later post) the last thing I want to do is share my failures with everyone, when that is exactly the thing that I need to do the most.  But we just felt like, how many times can we say we’re getting back on track when we both felt the spiral happening. Honestly, I know so many people who can just do it, see what is wrong and turn it around before losing their way so deep in to the woods.  People are able to do what they need to do because it is the right thing.  “You don’t have to want to do it, you just have to do it” is a way that I desperately wish that I felt.  But I’m a dreamer…I have to want it!  There has to be a connection there for me to stay focused and feel connected to my vision. My mind has to be in the game for me to thrive.

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So how do you escape the cycle, reconnect to reality, start back down the path of the life that you really wan and the life that you deserve?  Well, for me, it’s all about getting excited. Y’all know I love Pinterest and when I want to get myself excited about something, I start pinning me life away, which is precisely what I did!

I started to feel excited about what I was going to make.  And it was so nice to not worry about what I was going to be able to eat at work since I never actually schedule a lunch!  It is so stressful to forage for food each day, leaving early to stop and get something on the way in, trying to get onboard with whoever is leaving the building for food, UberEats, Postmates, and on and on.  Anyway, on my Pinterest binge for inspiration, I also found a lot of pins like “How I survived Whole 30” “Tips and Tricks” “Life hacks” etc and I found them to be so incredibly helpful.  It is so easy to feel alone in this struggle called health.  But reading that other people with perfect kitchens have tough days too somehow feels better.  It made me feel like, at my worst,  I’m not the only fuck up who publicly loses and gains weight as if it were their full time job and at my best, you are not alone and you are capable of anything.  So, if you are struggling to get excited about cooking, I’m going to share some things that I just love and that have made this process of eating healthier a lot easier !

Breakfast:

My new obsession #scorpio is this new to me coffee!  I have always loved a soy latte from Starbucks, but as I’m learning soy doesn’t love me the way I love it! My childhood bestie, Katie gets a cafe misto with almond milk, more coffee than milk.  So I tried it, but with decaf and loved it!  Then a friend turned me on to collagen peptides and MCT oil!  I added it into my Stabucks cup and fell in love.

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Now this is when I know I’m getting back in to the swing of things…I thought to myself, “Self, you can make this better!” And I did…and it was everything!!!!

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I take a Donut Shop Decaf K Cup and dump (after it has brewed) the coffee into the blender with 1 scoop collagen peptides, 2 tbsp MCT oil, 1/4 cup unsweetened coconut milk, 1 tsp raw honey and 1 tsp cinnamon and blend it all together…so filling, so satisfying.  *If you like really hot coffee, I would suggest warming up the coconut milk!

My next breakfast obsession is sweet potato waffles!  You can make a big batch, freeze them and then warm them up in the toaster the next day!  This has become a breakfast staple!

They are super easy to make and go well with everything and they are so pretty that it is our most requested recipe on Instagram.  This was from a blog called So Let’s Hang Out but for whatever reason, I can’t access it anymore, so here is the recipe:

1 boiled sweet potato, skin removed

3 eggs

1 cup cashews, roasted, unsalted

1 cup unsweetened coconut milk (from a can works best for consistency)

3 tbsp coconut oil or ghee (I prefer Coconut oil-better taste overall)

1 tbsp raw honey (try and get local if you can)

1 tsp baking soda (aluminum free)

1/4 tsp sea salt

Coconut oil spray for greasing the waffle iron

Toss all the ingredients in to a food processor and blend until you get a batter consistency!  Then grease your waffle iron and pour in the batter, enough to cover to griddle, but not so much that you are going to overflow when you close the iron.  They take anywhere from 3-5 minutes to cook.  Make sure to flip half way through. You want them to look golden brown.  I use the backside of two forks to shimmy them out, then I let them cool and divide the waffle in to two, put in baggies and freeze.  I typically get 4.5 waffles out of the batch which nets me 10 freeze-able servings!

I usually will cook some eggs, maybe bacon or chicken sausage  and add some avocados, tomatoes, and/or pears or even leftovers for the night before to round off the meal.

Another morning favorite is a smoothie…which for me ends up being a lot more like juice since I don’t love ice!

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My favorite concoction is 2 handfuls of spinach, enough unsweetened coconut milk to cover the spinach in the blender, a handful of blueberries, 1 tbsp almond butter and a squeeze of a lime!  I know it sounds crazy but it is so good!

Lunch and Dinner:  I hate getting bored with something so I try to make two things at once so that I’m not eating the same thing for 2 meals! I like to do a meat and veggie and then a soup or some combination like that.  Here is a photo montage of my favs!

You can find most of these recipes on out Pinterest account.  You can find us under the handle Sara and Jenny BeardSmith hahahahaha and you can search under our pins! If you have any questions, just leave them in the comments…these were all too lengthy to put the entire recipe on here and I am still sadly technologically stumped to know how to put in a link to the recipes!

My two favorite things that I’ve made are the creamy chicken and leek soup and the egg roll in a bowl!!!  So good! Honorable mentions go to Whole 30 Sloppy Joe’s and Beef and Broccoli!

I could’t be happier to be back in the kitchen cooking, taking charge of my own nutrition and helping myself find a healthy path again.  I don’t operate well in the darkness and it feels so nice to be bathed in light again and back with our online community and support group.  I also can’t wait for me and Jenny to get a chance to cook together again!!!  I hope you find something that you want to make! I love you all so much!

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See you again real soon!

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Two Meatballs: New Phone, Who Dis?!

Oh my gahhhhhhhh!!!!  Do you guys remember us!?!

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Happy New Year!!!!  It’s Sara and I’m so glad to be writing again.   A big piece of me has been missing since we stopped sharing our lives with y’all.  I really hadn’t been feeling like myself until recently. Writing is something that I am meant to do and not only that, I NEED TO DO IT.

Somewhere along the way,  Jenny and I lost our way with the blog and our journey.  The first year was amazing. But, it was all too much, we were spiraling and didn’t see the big brick wall coming.  We were biting off more than we could chew and my obsessive, blind drive and uber controlling ways ruined it.  I sucked all the fun out of Meatballs for me and Jenny.  I turned a really fun and positive thing in to an unpaid job from hell!  I was addicted to the progress like a big bag of black tar heroine (is that how you buy heroine, a bag?! Bad example!) It felt like we weren’t even friends anymore. (That’s dramatic, but we weren’t even hanging out anymore)  So when we stopped, we were exhausted and we needed to find our friendship again.  Which thank goodness we did right away.  #sorryjenny #loveyou #meatballsforlife

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I also realized that I needed some privacy.  We were sharing EVERYTHING! Our bodies, and our lives.  And that is what made the blog so great, so vulnerable and so relatable.  But it was also so hard to have anything that was sacred or just ours.  My pendulum swings wide, so I went from describing exactly how my then boyfriend dumped me in the middle of the night over text message, to dating my boyfriend for a year and a half without telling almost anyone. #balance I was (am) still grieving my sweet Grandma Apple.  I was struggling with comfort eating, getting sick all the damn time again, learning I had a mold allergy, getting my tonsils out, I was trying to learn how to have feelings, learning how to cope from childhood trauma from the tornado, etc…it was a lot and it was all coming up and bubbling over at once. #breakdown That takes us to 2017!

Last year has had so many highlights but it was honestly one of the toughest, most challenging ones I’ve experienced. Remember when I fell through that porch at our pal Katie’s wedding, well that was the beginning of a long, drawn out spiral into debilitating pain and ultimately surgery for a torn meniscus and a longer recovery period than I was expecting.

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And you guys aren’t even going to believe what happened.  I GAINED A LITERAL TON OF WEIGHT.  I blew right past my highest weight and didn’t even look back.   My career is physical.  The pain started in November of ’16.  I did some holistic work and got to feeling a little better for about 4 months on and off.  But then it was downhill from there.  I was just surviving each day, which is super fucking depressing.  You get in to this cycle of I’m in pain so I can’t work out or I’ll hurt myself which makes me sad, and I can’t go grocery shopping so I’ll order some takeout and gain more weight, which puts more pressure on my knee… I spent a lot of time crying, taking anything that might take the edge off, trying to not move if I didn’t have to just so I wouldn’t miss work and spending a lot of time alone.

My high level of positivity is telling me to remind you all that I have an amazing family and the best group of close knit friends and I career that I absolutely love and that SO SO SO many great things have happened since we last spoke. I have so much to be grateful for!!!  I feel truly connected.

I have learned so much about myself and my needs.  I am finally feeling better than I have in a long time.  I had really unrealistic expectations #imaginethat of how long I would need to heal and how much I needed to help myself heal…that the surgery was only a bandaid if I didn’t start advocating for myself with myself. I started off December with a candida cleanse.  My body and mind are super sensitive to candida which feeds off of sugar…and guys, did I tell you how hard I fell off the wagon!?  To quote my adorable mother, “I started feeling like every meal needed to end with a dessert!”

The cleanse was a set of supplements taken daily and then a strict Whole 30 (no dairy, no sugar-even fruit, no grains, no soy, etc) style eating plan so as to starve out the candida #yeasty’all for about 3 weeks.  And guess what guys!?  There is fucking sugar in EVERYTHING!  Did you know that the all the breakfast meat on the Whole Foods hot bar has sugar in it and the grilled chicken nuggets at Chick-fil-a have sugar in them?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?  This was a turning point for me. I couldn’t rely on my little cheats that prevent me from making a real change.  It forced me to get back in the kitchen…which I love cooking as much as I love writing.

I mean, y’all, it was all so good!  How do we forget these things!?!? During this time I had an education team dinner, work potluck, family Christmas party, management team lunch, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day celebrations!

Because who doesn’t decide to make a huge life change during the holidays?  But you guyyyyyyyysssss…I did it.  I made it through all of these hurdles thanks to some focus on my part and the support of my tribe and reminded myself that I am a gah damn Boss.  Queen Sey (did you see what I did there?!) is back and humbled. I’m ready to learn all the lessons that the universe has to teach me.  I’m ready to really do this differently, with patience and acceptance.  Thanks for being a friend!  Thanks for still wanting to hear from us.  We need y’all and we’re sorry that we ghosted, but as you can read…we needed the hiatus to find ourselves…oh and for Jenny to have another sweet little girl! #nbd#babytatum

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Love love love you. Hello 2018. Looking forward to chatting again real soon.

Xoxo,

Your loving meatballs

 

Two Meatballs: Busy as Bees and Happy as Clams!!!

Lately, it has been harder and harder for me and Jenny to find time for each other.  So I needed a little stroll down memory lane to remember all the fun we have together this year so far!!!  We are lucky enough to have gone on lots of adventures together!!!

We’ve been to Miami where we relaxed, snuggled, and got our minds blown at LBP’s Front Row…oh and hung out with celebrities! #nbd #jkthebiggestdeal

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#nicenipplesrose

We were each other’s dates to our companies annual Bobies Party…

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We’ve been working out again…thank goodness!!!

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Going to classes together…

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We coupled up for Katie Hu’s wedding!!!

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#humarriesapursche!?!

And we always get to jackass around work together!!!

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It’s a hard life, but somebody has to do it!!!  Haha, jk we are so lucky to have each other and to have such fun lives.  We are so busy sometimes that is is super easy to feel disconnected, but when I look through my photos, we are together more than most best friends get to be.  I am so excited to work out together in the morning!!! Jenny, I love you so much!!!!  Meatballs for life!

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***Ok, so I started writing this last week and the universe gave me such a gift…the following segment is called,  You Have A Little Smith on You!

Jenny and I got to spend so much time together this past weekend…I even got to see Brandon and London!!!  Friday night we ventured out to Wendell and went to Lauren’s wedding!!!

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It was so beautiful and we had so much qt time together!!!

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They even had the best photo booth!

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Congrats Lauren and Cameron!!! #pittmanpartyoftwo London was in the wedding, so Jenny had her hands full that night, be we still managed to hang out a ton. And Brandon…I had the best time catching up…it felt like old times!!!

Thennnnnnnn, the cherry on top came Saturday night Jenny called me and asked me on a dinner date!!!! We had dinner at Yuri in Cary…our new favorite sushi spot.

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Jenny got some saki…

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And we got the greatest thing EVER!!! A tuna tower…everyone should get this. We ate it or I would tempt you with a pic! We finally got a chance to see each other and talk for hours and compare nail colors…

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And just be in bestie blissful love!  Oh how I missed you friend.  So glad we made time for each other…it’s the key to any good relationship right?!…#nailedit Love you Jenny.

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Love y’all too!!!

 

Two Meatballs: A Mother of a Day!!!

Oh heyyyyyyyyyyyyy there!  I am so lucky.  I have such an amazing and supportive family that I actually like and get along with.  So getting together for Mother’s Day was an absolute joy!  The past few years I’ve had a Mother’s Day lunch at my house.  I love having things at my house because I love to cook for my family and I love an excuse to buy flowers for my home.

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The older I get, the less stressed I become about the details…just being together is what’s important. Buuuuuuuut, I do agonize over the menu.  Thank gah for Pinterest.  Around 11 I started cooking up a storm.  On the Menu: Lemon  coconut butter chicken, garlic green beans, garlic and parsley roasted carrots, shaved brussels sprout salad with granny smith apples, purple onions, toasted walnuts and homemade vinaigrette annnnd paleo rolls!!!

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Isn’t it gorgeous!  And it was yummy and healthy.  My house smelled amazing for dayyyyyyys.  And look at this cute bunch!

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We also had homemade paleo reese cups for dessert…they were a home run!  Except the kids HATED THEM!!! My bad!  For all the recipes you can follow us on Pinterest @twomeatballsgetfit and this board was Mothers Day 2016!!!  Then the kids made everyone gifts and cards…so sweet!

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Look at Chase’s sweet face!!! Wyatt is almost 10 and is going through a phase where he would literally rather die than to smile in a picture!  So I do this thing where I start yelling DON’T…DON’T SMILE.

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YOU BETTER NOT, DON’T LET ME SEE YOU SMILE until this happens…

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Almost there, just a little more yelling and…

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BAM!!! There’s that angel!  Me and Kelly spent some time loving on our mom, Anna!

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And took our obgligatory OG Beard pic…

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And then walked over to the school playground across the street from my house for a water gun battle!

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The adults opted out…

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But the 6 year old in me was a tidje jelly.

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They are super soaked to the bone!!! #didyouseewhatididthere!?

All in all, the weather was amazing and it was a great day with the fam.  When all was said and done, me, mom and dad brought the planter with mini roses I had bought myself down to my sweet neighbor Ruby.  She had told me that since she had seen her out of town kids the week before that she would be flying solo for Mother’s Day. She is the sweetest 81 year old and the love of my life.  She is fiercely independent and adorably squeezable, just like Grandma Apple used to be.  When I’m with her it feels like I am hanging out with Gigi again and that is exactly what I wanted on this special day.  I hope that you all enjoyed your day as well.  I love you guys so much. Xoxo, Sara

Two Meatballs: Oh Snap, Peas!!!!

Hey y’all!!!  I’ve been suuuuuuper lazy lately!

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And I typically fall in to the trap of waking up one day and violently changing course…ie I haven’t been to the gym in a year but when a I wake up and decide to change I do two a days right off the bat and try and pick up right where I left off at the gym!  #Beastmode

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Or I go from eating fast food three times a day to banishing everything but whole, clean foods that are bought fresh from a specialty store and require tons of preparation.  You can only imagine this does not exactly set me up for success!!!  Number one, I hurt myself at the gym…you can’t pick up where you left off, you are weak and fat now!!!

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Number two, hours of cooking a night isn’t super feasible with my schedule!!!    Number three…I have a  rebellious soul

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and I hate being oppressed; even when I’m the oppressor!!! #donttellmewhattodo #yeahimtalkingtome

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I feel like the universe sends me messages and right now I keep hearing over and over again- you are being given the opportunity to do things differently.  Well how refreshing…am I right?!  I get the option to do things differently. I also keep hearing to be gentle and kind, to not cannon ball into the middle of the ocean, slowly ease your way in.  So when our pal and super amazing Meatball Supporter, Nikki posted on Facebook, “Who wants a free meal from Blue Apron?!”  I jumped on it.  This is a way to not overwhelm myself and start small.  A box with three not particularly paleo, but healthy non the less meals are coming to my door, no shopping necessary.  I don’t have to put one thought in to planning a menu.  I can still be moderately lazy while getting my car back on the road to health and wellness.

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Well guess what!?!  Today as me and my boyfriend stood in my kitchen, my doorbell rang and it was the adorable Fed Ex guy…with my Blue Apron box!!!!  I was more excited than I thought I would be.

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Unfortunately my boyfriend was on his way out and has zero interest in being on the blog as he is the opposite of me and is very private.  I’ve been dying to start some healthy habits together, but he promised we’ll do the next meal together.  So tonight I flew solo, which was probably good for my codependency issues!  What’s on the menu you ask!?! General Tso’s Chicken!!!!  This was awesome.  I have been eating a lot of delivery meals, so this won’t feel like an extreme departure, but a healthier option than take out!

It was all packaged adorably!

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I chopped and minced and even touched chicken…yuck!!!

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And then I cooked my little heart out!!!  And don’t worry, I haven’t changed that much…I read the instructions step by step without looking ahead so the rice was ready 30 minutes before everything else!  Haha when will i learn?!

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Now I will say, I usually feel like this when trying to follow a recipe with a picture…

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Butttttttt, I mean somebody look at this!? #nailedit  Annnnnd I found a takeout tray!!!

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I was belting out Fiona and enjoying my beautiful new but horribly neglected kitchen…and making a fucking mess! Literally all of my favorite things!!!

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How do I ever forget how fun this is???  It feels really nice to take the first step.  Hopefully Jenny and I can get our schedules together and cook the third meal!  Baby steps!  I would say if you have never cooked before, have a busy life or hate grocery shopping, Blue Apron is the way to go!  It’s after 11 and my house is a disaster, so I’ll let you know tomorrow how it actually tasted.  I love you all so much.  Happy cooking to you all.  It may take us a little longer to get where we are going, but…

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Xoxo,

Sara

Two Meatballs: When Life Hands You Lemons, Watch #lemonade

It’s no secret that I love Beyonce.  She is strong, sexy, confident, vulnerable and empowering.  I love a strong woman.  So, ever since her new visual album, Lemonade dropped on HBO this weekend, I’ve been hooked. I mean somebody look at her!

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Look at how powerful this image is…

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She talks about infidelity, self worth, making your own way, she calls out side chicks #beckywiththegoodhair, she says, “Imma keep running, cause a winner don’t quit on themselves”!  I was mesmerized.  I’ve watched it more times than I’d like to admit. So what does this have to do with Meatballs?!  Well I went to see my chiropractor this morning.  I love telling on myself so I told her I’m still really struggling with food.  I’m being lazy and not making good decisions despite my desire to feel healthy again.  We talked a lot about it and she asked me, “what motivates you”?  I answered the obligatory, “my health”.   She said that’s great, but it’s vast.  Keep getting more specific so that you can really latch on to it.  And I laid there and kept trying to distill it down.  Dr. Lauren brought up that when we launched TMGF, we were obsessed with getting on to the Ellen Show.  And we were, it was like a rallying cry, we were consumed with female empowerment and that ANYONE could lose weight.  That feels so far away now…the thought of Ellen, not the desire to make everyone see their own sexy.  And that is when it hit me.  I don’t feel as sexy as I used to. If you are new to the blog…this is a big deal!!!  I am so hot for me typically. But,   I don’t buy cute lingerie for my boyfriend anymore. It’s been a year and a half and I know people say that things slow down and that’s just the way it goes, but it’s not like that with us. We are still all over each other.  We’re both Scorpio’s so the way to my heart is through the bedroom and he gets me and all the intensity that comes along.   He makes me feel incredibly sexy and wanted, which I love.  But I used to make me feel incredibly sexy and wanted.  I have always felt sexy and powerful.  Where has this feeling gone?  I’ve gained weight bc I’m not eating healthy or exercising…two things I actually really enjoy doing!  But I’ve been this big before and still felt desirable.  The thing that has changed is that I really know what it feels like to feel better.  And it’s not just that…all of the integrity of doing what I said I wanted to do…be healthy, lose weight, writing about the struggle that all people face while trying to fight the good fight myself…all of those things made me feel like I was Beyonce.  I would prance around my house or my boyfriends feeling unstoppable.  So that is my motivation.  I want to put the spark back in the sexual relationship with myself.  I want to feel hot in my clothes.  I want my boyfriend to see something new, not just what he comfortably loves.  When I came home today after grocery shopping for healthy food (lazy is a choice), I grabbed my laptop and put on Lemonade.  I found myself instantly feeling that power that I always feel when I hear the queen.  And I thought, what better time than now to reclaim my power. Talk about motivation.

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I can feel it changing as we speak.  Love you all.

 

Xoxo,

Sara

Two Meatballs: Get it in!

hello!!!!!  It’s Jenny, and I am so happy to be writing again.   So let me just get to the point.   I am so excited!  Our Disney cruise vacation kicks off in 5 days.  This vacation is centered around being in a bathing suit the whole time….. The whole time!!!!  You would think that would be motivation to get my ass in gear and try and get down as many lbs as possible.  But it hasn’t.  It kind of did the opposite.   I thought………  The cruise will be so indulgent, I’ll get super serious when I get home. I thought I kicked these old ways of thinking.  NOPE!!  So now I’m trying to get in bathing suits!!!  Not only that, I would like to be super happy about it as well.  And I’m just not.   So now it is five day until we leave and I am choosing to be happy with were I am right now,  and choose to change my mind set when I ge back.    Because at the end of the day,  I am so grateful I get to go on this trip and get in some quality time with this girl.

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So I had to go bathing suit shopping,  and this is what I landed on.

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It Will do.  I love a skirt.  I always feel more comfortable.  And that is all I want right now,  is to feel confident and have so much fun.  So I can achieve that with this bathing suit.  Well  if I am going to be eating poorly leading up to this vacation,  I better get to the gym.  Oh hey Sandra!  The meatballs are here!!!

 

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We had such a great workout with Sandra that day !! I think we both felt powerful, literally. We boxed our little hearts out.  I hate you fat!!!!!  Was what I was thinking the whole time I punched.  It was great sweating and catching up with our friend.

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Love you Sandra and Sara.  Let’s do this whole thing again!  I’m ready!!! As soon as a get back for this cruise!!!  Thanks for all of your support.  Meatball life is real!!  And I will always strive to be better!!!! Love you guys!!

 

 

 

Two Meatballs: Where’s the Love Y’all…I Don’t Know!?

Hello my loves.  Sara here.  Unless you’ve canceled cable, hate technology or you’ve gone underground for awhile, you’ve probably noticed a sharp change in the humanity climate.  Such is the cycle of life that there will be good times and there will be bad times, but right now I feel bewildered and slightly terrified, especially as a woman…so I can’t even begin to imagine how people of color and the LGBTQ community feel.

I think I was born a feminist.

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I have always cared deeply about equality. How can we in this day and age still not have equal pay and equal rights?  I don’t want my health choices to lie in the hands of politicians.  I also don’t wish to be blasted back into the 50’s.  And why the fuck do we still make less for the same job???  This may all seem like, well what does this have to do with getting healthy?!  But I even see the discrimination continue with plus size women who are finally being accepted in the media and even gracing the cover of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition!  People still find fat women disgusting and instead of showing some love for people who refuse to feel anything but sexy at any size, some people still want to silence and degrade us….make us feel less than.  Isn’t it all really just a power struggle?  A way to keep us down?

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And after all that, I’ve still got it pretty good.

I’ve never preferred racism, bigotry and belittling.  Every time I turn on my tv, log into my email, get on Facebook or IG I am confronted by the sad realization that we haven’t progressed as much as my progressive heart would have hoped for 2016 in the land of the free.  I would like to know why so many in the world have suddenly become so publicly bigoted?!  Why are we not helping and uplifting our fellow human?!

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Why are we threatened when human beings get the same civil rights as other human beings?  Why do the people who have had said rights all along feel as if something is being taken away from them when others finally fought hard enough to get something that should have been for all from the very beginning?!

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Decisions are being made in hushed rooms that affect us all without our consent and are sending us back decades in the battle for civil rights, not to mention that these decisions will cripple us financially, because in more positive news, soooooooooooo many companies and people do have progressive minds and hearts.

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But why do all of these things spur on fear and intolerance which ultimately rears its ugly head as hate?!  Without getting too political or delving into religion, I want to reach out to you all and say that I love you, because at the end of the day I think that might just be the answer.

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I don’t think you can fight hate with hate, so why not replace what is missing so badly in the world today.  What if we were a little more tolerant, understanding, compassionate, accepting, brave, inquisitive, inclusive and just plain more loving of the world and all those who live in it?! Lets help each other. The basis of human existence is do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Whether you look different than me, have different beliefs than me, even if this post makes your blood boil because you wish that nothing ever changed…

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I want you to know that I accept you and that the best thing we can do is love more…and vote!

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Have a wonderful weekend and remember everyone is going through there own struggles…love is the answer.

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Two Meatballs: I might Puke!!

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It feels so good to be living the meatball life again!!  Let’s kill some time with these “beautiful ” pictures!

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We have been searching for ispiration for far to long.  How did we fall so far?? I really fell back into my old ways.  I never thought this would happen.   Well,  yesterday March 31st 2016,  felt  like day one again. We worked out with our favorite girl, Sandra,  and my body told me how out of shape I was.   I felt myself burning out quicker then ever.   And it was definetly making me angry.  I remember being stronger, and moving faster.  About 30mins. Into our workout I started getting that sick feeling.  I thought I was going to puke all over the gym, I have not felt like that in a very long time.   I was instantly comforted by Sara’s present, and remembered how powerful being in this together was.  At the end of the workout, I told Sandra what a struggle this workout was.   And she was instantly fired up about getting us back there!!!  It really lit a fire inside me.   At the same time I was so happy we completed this workout and without puking.  So here we are putting in the hard work!!

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wp-1459460565336.jpgwp-1459460548672.jpgwp-1459460534752.jpgwp-1459460509611.jpgwp-1459460485636.jpgWe finished!!!  First one is the hardest.  I am so excited for day 2. I know it is going to take time to get healthy again.  Excited to see what this new chapter in our journey brings.  Our readers and fellow meatballians are my inspiration right now.   I am ready to put myself first.  I deserve to feel good again!!!!!  Let’s do this Sara!!!!!  Row bitch!!!!!   Love you Sara, and Sandra for still believing in us!!!! See you soon.

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