This was me on our way home from NYC…totally passed out on a plane!

I don’t sleep on planes bc I am a busy body…I’m nosy, I don’t want to miss a thing.  So this tells me…i realllllly don’t feel good….STILL!  I finished my last antibiotic Wednesday night and the last of my narcotic cough syrup the night before. I know based on my last year’s bout with walking pneumonia that this is a six week up and down process!!! But something feels different.  I woke up Wednesday morning and my ear was throbbing.  I thought it was probably the constant wind….I’ve never been colder in a city!

Then I started sneezing and coughing.  All of this seemed a weird way to celebrate the end of my medication.  Then I did what any smart person with a weakened immune system would do…I hopped a plane…a flying tube of germs.  So when I got home I went straight to bed knowing the day I had ahead of me!  I had missed  an entire week of work with pneumonia and then gone to NYC for class for the next week.  Thursday I was triple booked and really just not feeling my best.  I woke up early and went to Whole Foods to get back on Paleo track. I knew something wasn’t right.  I felt fevery and light headed and so stuffy and irritated and I had a terrible hacking cough.  WTF!?!  Can you get sick ON AN ANTIBIOTIC!?

I survived the day.  I had also opened up Friday to accommodate the people who were moved from illness part one so I went to bed super early and came into work at 11:30.  My ear was on fire, my fever was back, I was nauseous, my cough was worse and I felt like I had bronchitis!  I made it through my first client, felt the tears coming on, left to go to urgent care (but not before stopping in to weigh myself  for Fleet Feet Ton of Fun…up 4 pounds from my cake pop tour of NYC) and found out that on top of my pneumonia I now have a sinus infection and double ear infection.  I got two more shots in the butt,  a course of oral steroids (watch out weight gain) a new course of antibiotics, a new inhaler and more magical cough syrup. I have neverrrrr been this tired. This is a whole new level of exhaustion!!! Taking a shower is an olympic sport now. Walking the flight of stairs to my bedroom or my desk at work requires breaks.  I just want to cry.

I can honestly say I feel worse than I did before I left! I can also say that I am having some crazy childhood flashbacks.  My inhaler is straight Albuterol which feels like a synthetic form of energy so that combined with the steroids…I could easily launch myself to the ceiling while simultaneously feeling so deprived of sweet oxygen that I feel in a coma! But I’m so sick I can’t move!  My doctor really meant it when he said the only way for this to go away was to reallly rest. And even though I really made every effort to take it easy while traveling,  I didn’t eat so well and put myself into small, contaminated germy situations!!! So now that I am still devastatingly sick, I’m listening to my doctor and most importantly my body and really resting.  Life you are just going  to have to wait a minute!!

I’m hydrating like a mother…

So to my clients and coworkers who have been so horribly inconvenienced I am so sorry and to my family, I hope to see you one day and to my house sorry you are so messy…mama has no stamina, to my suitcase one day you will be unpacked…

to my laundry one day I will get to you and to my bed… I’m coming for you. I’m really struggling with overwhelming guilt right now.  I feel like other people get sick, take meds, feel better like that and I am not that girl.  There is a huge amount of guilt for me associated with calling in and moving clients and meetings, canceling training sessions with Sandra.  I know that I am doing the best that I can but I feel like I am letting people down and I hate that feeling.  I also realize that this is not helping me feel better, it’s actually giving me panic attacks which is making it even harder to breath.  My doctor told me that if I don’t rest and let my lungs heal I will end up in the hospital under an oxygen tent….just like childhood.  Sooooo I am trying to listen and trying and trying to quieten down these loud, judgmental voices in my own mind that are only stalling my progress.  Why is this so hard and why do we beat ourselves up so much!?!  Time to stop crying and take one of my many naps of survival so my lips don’t turn blue.

Oh how I miss my meatball!!! We’ve barely seen each other since I got back!

The more we are apart the less connected I feel to my journey!!!

 

I had such a blast having non stop snuggles with my Kelly and Katie…

But it is time to get healthy!

As I wait miserably for my prescriptions from Kroger I am haunted by my new addiction!!!

I have never really cared for sweets…that is until I started feeling yucky!?  Why is this a thing, why is it so comforting…to be sure i know that this is not helping my body heal itself…so why are they calling me like sirens!?  I resisted the urge but it was a struggle and I almost had a three year old tantrum saying no to myself!  So first on my list…rest and get better…it is the only way!  Second…detox yourself from sugar!!!!  And just always know, your body will always win, really listen to it!!! Lot’s of love from the sick couch!  Somebody bring me a coffee please!!! Xoxo

Update….I wrote this last week! I am finally feeling better!!!!!