Two Meatballs: Feels like day One!!!!

hey it’s Jenny !  You guys, I had a really down kind of day.   I’m not even sure how it started.   I’m having a lot of feelings!!!!  I have been feeling a little stuck for a while now.  With my weight loss, but also in my professional life too.  Which if you were to look at a chart, I think you would see my personal and professional life usual mirror eachother. When i am on fire, it is everywhere.  When I am struggling to meet goals, i can’t escape anywhere.  To put it bluntly, I am feeling so fat!!!  I feeli like I am 220 lbs again.  Exhausted and completly disgusted with myself.   When I get obsessed with my weight I do really weird things!!!  Like I stay in the outfit I have on as long as possible.  Not because I like dirty clothes, but I hate putting on my clothes when they don’t fit like they should.  It is a constant reminder of how bad you are fucking this up.   Every time I take clothes. Out of the dryer  I pray nothing has shrunk.  Even the tiniest bit.  That is how on the edge I am living with my food. Not to mention the lack of working out.  A shirt feeling tighter then usual is enough to effect my whole day, and make want to cry in that moment.  So this shitty mood really started this weekend, when I went shopping for bathing suits.

I really struggled this day to like anything. I was in the fitting room just getting so sweaty, and feeling so soft and squishy.

wpid-20150612_193140.jpgwpid-20150612_194506.jpgwpid-20150612_194133.jpgwpid-20150612_193351.jpg

Just a reminder.  I hate posting pics of me in a  bathing suit.  This is my nightmare .  Excpecially now!  Staying positive is usually my go to place.  When I am down,  it is really hard to shake it off.  But I think I am ready for my glass to be half full!!  You guys can see our every move.  That is a lot  of pressure.  But I was reminded, one meal at a time!  So I am a fix it immediately person,  and by that I mean…….fix it nooooooowww!!!! And that really is not possible with weight loss.   So all I can do right now is work out!!!!

wpid-20150612_155339.jpgwpid-20150612_154223.jpg

 

This  is was a step in the right direction.  I’m going to bounce off these happy, tingly feelings and make this super healthy meal for my family.

wpid-20150615_182503.jpg

 

It it was delicious!!!!  We can do this.  I m finding food again.  I made zucchini noodles and sauted shrimp!!!  I really would love to get to my goal.  What I did yesterday does not matter anymore.  I can only focus on the change we make today.  Brandon has been so amazing and very supportive.  So grateful.  Sara knew I was struggling and came over too!!!  Love her!!!!!  She’s an amazing friend .  She came baring gifts!!!  So grateful!  Day one done!!  And I already feel more powerful!   Let’s see how day two goes.  Xoxo

6 comments

  1. From one goal-oriented person to another, trying to stay focused on weight loss during an NC summer is like trying to win a dance contest with no music…it’s next to impossible!

    1. No one ever feels thin, skinny, pretty, sleek, hot, etc. in this humid, sticky and swamp-ass weather. When I left work today, my car said it was 105 degrees. That’s just not natural. I’m pretty sure my silicone was sweating!
    2. Much like point #1, when in Rome, do as the Romans and ever since moving here from NY, I’ve made it my mission to get to the NC beaches at least once every summer. And even now that I’m 5 years plus post bariatric surgery, I still cringe in a bathing suit (and now bikini since I’ve had reconstruction surgery head-to-toe) when comparing myself to every other living, breathing organism on the sand. I think it’s human nature. At the end of the day, I’ve made a conscious effort to focus less on what I look like in a swim suit and more what I look like in my daughter’s eyes when we build sand castles, jump the waves and break the rules during summer break. When she’s 35 and looks back on her memories of me as a mom…she won’t remember some chub, cottage cheese or a little flab (or in my case, a shit load of scars!).
    3. Even with a 200 lb. weight loss, I still have days where I don’t want to go to work because nothing fits right, nothing looks good, etc. In the summer it’s because clothes stick and pants are difficult to get on (or off) due to the weather. And, no matter how much surgery I’ve had since the weight has come off and stayed off, I will always have “Fat Girl Brain”. I still see myself as I was and not as I am. Before I had bypass surgery, my doctors warned me that your mind works much slower than your physical body does – meaning, when you look in the mirror, what you see isn’t what others see. So, yes…your clothes may not feel like they’re fitting properly and the scale may not be budging much, but every time I see you to get my hair done you look smaller and smaller.

    Your presence is stronger and stronger. When I first met you, you blended in at the salon and now you stand out in ways you probably don’t recognize. So, give it some more time, don’t be so hard on yourself and from one former meatball (and always a meatball in the mind) to another FORMER meatball – you’re doing amazing. Sometimes all it takes is a little spice in your repertoire (i.e. some new recipes), a healthy eating/weight loss dinner club, etc. Don’t lose hope…You’re rocking it!

  2. It does always feel like starting completely over!!! But it isn’t! We ate so hard on ourselves! I see a shift in Sara big time! You guys can be so good and positive for each other!! Love you Jenny! You look fantastic in all of those bathing suits!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s