Hiiiiiiiii!  Sara here!!!  I’ve got to say it, I’m feeling really good!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I have had so many false starts since my last, lasting stint into a healthy lifestyle.  And that can feel so defeating…and by can I mean, I felt TOTALLY DEFEATED!  As you know, I have to really want something to actually make moves and make it happen.  Jenny and I were talking the other night and we both need for things to feel different this time around.  We don’t want to find ourselves going down a failed path again.

As I’ve said, I’ve had many epiphanies this go round, today we will focus on this one! I realized that I have to do some things on my own this time. #codependent I must have been a twin in a past life bc I LIVE to do things together.  I have always been like this. I want to hold hands and wear the same outfit and drive together even if it makes no sense, I love working with a team and being involved with the process as a group. Everything is more fun together in my mind.

One of the many things that I admire about Jenny is she’ll just do things.  At work I am Janey on the spot, but in my personal life, especially when related to my health-in place of action, I ponder deeply about something before I move to action, especially something I don’t want to do. #defensemechanism Not Jenny!!!  When we were being good, she would change in to gym clothes every single Tuesday after work…and then go to the gym!!!!!!!  Can you imagine?!  I have never been good about working out after work, that is not where my discipline lives.  She would also just decide one day when we weren’t doing good to start eating healthy…like that day…and she would!  She didn’t need me to jump start her, but I recently came to realize that I had really been relying on her big time for motivation and accountability; more specifically when it came to working out.  Some might say I was depending heavily on her. I simply did not want to do things by myself.  I am a pretty outgoing person, but the older /more sober I’ve gotten,  I get slight social anxiety in certain settings (i.e. the gym, anywhere new), so having a partner in crime always makes me feel more comfy.

So, this go round, I am making myself do more things solo because if you want things to change, you have to change things, right!?! In my fantasy world, Jenny and I get to spend all the time together.  In my reality world, we both have full time careers, doing what we were meant to do.  She is married with two little girls. I keep my plate full.  This does not leave us a ton of time to be together.  Her and I were talking this morning and I don’t know how we did 5 posts a week before!!!  We were insane.   I got in to the bad habit over the past two years while we were trying to find our way back, of just not starting things (grocery shopping, eating healthy, cooking, working out…you know the important stuff) bc we couldn’t do these things together.  This was a totally cop out and also it was such a convenient excuse.  I knew that if I was going to make this a lifestyle change as everyone is always calling it, I would have to reframe what getting healthy looked like to me.  We will always be Two Meatballs Get(ting) Fit, and I will always still greatly desire to occupy as much of Jenny’s time as I can, but this One Meatball needed to push herself right out the door and to the gym, even if it meant going Da da daaaaaaah, alone.  I had been eating healthy since early December and I kept thinking about the gym.  Jenny and I had made a couple of dates to go together, but for one reason or another we had both cancelled.  What was I waiting for!?!? I needed to prove to myself that I could do it without anyone holding my hand…and guess what guys?!  I did it!!!

I was a little nervous.  I’m 35 so you’d think I’d have this independence thing down by now, and in lots of ways I do…but it had been so long since I had been to the gym, much less BY MYSELF!  But I put on the cutest outfit I had that still fit, found my sneakers and finally made a grand entrance at the new gym I’ve been paying for for 6 months. And guess what…it felt great!  I didn’t overdo it, but I pushed myself.  I could feel that tiny little seed of pride in the pit of my belly growing. And for once I just let it be that…being proud of myself without immediately thinking, “You should have been doing this all along!”  I can be so judgy to me! I stayed for 35 minutes and really felt glowy!

#lookatthemcheeks And now, building up my independent confidence has allowed Jenny and I time to actually be together and hang out, without looming responsibilities.  If I can grocery shop, cook and work out MOSTLY on my own, that frees up so much time for Jenny and I, sans tasks. This past weekend, one of my longtime dreams came true.  Before when we would cook for the blog, we would be rushed and never actually get to eat the meal. So Saturday night, Jenny came over after work and I cooked her dinner…and we ate it together!  I made a mushroom and bok choy stir fry with chicken sausage and a sweet potato waffle with a fried egg and spicy mustard.  It was delish if I do say so myself!!! Cooking for others should be a love language because nothing makes me happier…besides physical touch #iloveaffection! What a fun date!

Look at us…Bloggers be bloggin, always trying to get the perfect picture!  Jenny and I had the best time together.  I love when we get to get deep and silly and everything in between!  I made her my new coffee obsession!

And she loved it!!!  We ate a healthy meal, spent all the time together, laughed for days and all with no pressure…it was the best!  We both feel much more calm this time around.  Probably bc my self induced stress level has been let go! Love you Jenny! Can’t wait to do it again!

The next thing on my list of self solo starting was FINALLY using my Veggie Bullet!  I bought it ages ago when I thought I would be cooking more and it has been taking up space in my kitchen and collecting dust ever since!  I downloaded the Nom Nom Paleo app a million years ago (I was really on top of shopping a million years ago #shebeshoppin) as well and I rediscovered how awesome she is!  I decided to make Chow Mein Chicken and saw this as the perfect excuse to use the Bullet.  First I had to figure out how to put it together.  I don’t know if you know this about me…but I have a hard time following instructions, so let’s just say…it took a LONG time to get it here…but boom!

This my friends is an amazing machine…it slices and dices, but wait there’s more…it spiralizes!!!!  Once I got it put together and working…I sliced two onions in like 30 seconds…and look Ma, no tears!  I hate cutting onions!!!!  So this was my dream.  I then washed it in the dishwasher and it doesn’t work anymore.  Fuck!  Hopefully I didn’t ruin it forever, but initially this was one more giant step to figuring out how to do things on my own! (part fail part win). Somebody look at this delicious chow mein!!!!

It was to die for and smelled so flipping good.  I’m taking things one day at a time.  Reminding myself that I have so much to be thankful for and not treating my health as a battle to arm myself for. My path to health is  a pleasure I get to partake in.  I have to pleasure of treating my body, mind and spirit with love and patience.  I can gently heal the damage I have done and move forward open to all of the lessons and I can do it all with kindness to myself and others who are on a similar journey.  If you are like me and struggle to do things on your own,  you are not alone!!!  We can do this…I’ll codependentily be there in spirit cheering you on!

Xoxo,

Sara