Two Meatballs: Confessions of a Reformed Binge Drinker

Hello!  It’s Sara!!!  When I started this journey, I made what I thought was one of many wise decisions.  I decided to quit drinking and smoking for a month to get my mind right.  I knew I would be setting myself up for success if my mind was clear and I realllllly wanted to quit smoking for good this time, especially coming off of my bought with walking pneumonia (apparently it’s my yearly gift I give to myself).  At the end of the month I was surprised to find out that I didn’t miss drinking…like at all.  So I decided to go for three more months.  Then my boss Joelle sent me a link to Kelly Fitzgerald’s Huffington Post article, 7 Things I Learned During My Year Without Alcohol (you should google this and read it…it was life changing for me). I read it and I related to every single word.  It was like she was talking to me or she was me or I was her.  I really started taking stock of my own life and my decisions. I was partying so hard that I was literally killing myself..was it even fun anymore?!  I wrote a lot about my drinking problem in such posts as Two Meatballs: Pickled Meatball and that is when I decided to try my own year without alcohol! At the time it seemed overwhelming to think that I could do anything for an entire year…especially at my age when drinking is so incredibly social and expected.  But guess what you guys…yesterday, Monday, February 9th was officially an entire year of no drinking or smoking for this reformed party girl. I feel very overwhelmed with unexpected emotion writing this post. I just started bawling actually.  Now that I think of it, I get a little teary every time I start talking about this big life change. First, I feel a huge sense of relief and freedom.  I am a shiny, fun person and drinking, at least the way that I chose to do it, really dulled that shine.  Also, I feel a huge sense of accomplishment.  I’ve never done anything like this before and actually stuck to it.  I never really saw myself as someone who didn’t drink. I judged those who didn’t drink.  But that is exactly who I am and to be totally honest, I’m a much better person for it. The integrity that I feel from saying I’m going to do something and ACTUALLY doing it feels incredible.  I feel so in control.  So, how does one celebrate a year without alcohol? Well, this was a tricky one.  I could celebrate with a glass of champagne…I mean after all I just said a year right!?  But I learned the most valuable lesson over this past year.  Alcohol is not for me.  That is a scary thing to say out loud.  I have a problem and I can’t risk going back.  Even though, I think that I could now drink like a normal person now…i’ve learned so much about boundaries and portion control and living a less excessive life, buuuuut having said that, I don’t think I could drink without wanting to smoke and to me it’s just not worth it.  Now don’t get me wrong, I am not bothered by others drinking.  It isn’t anyone else’s problem that I cannot drink responsibly.  If drinking is a happy contributor to your life far be it from me to try and take it away from you just bc it doesn’t fit into my goals for myself!  I have many friends who live a happy life without meat and I support them but cannot imagine my life without steak #carnivore. I think I am even more fun now that no one has to babysit me.  So this is my proclamation to the world….I am now living a sober life with no regrets.  I never thought I would say these words, but I don’t think I’m ever going to drink again and I couldn’t be happier about this decision.  Everyone has been so supportive and I can’t thank you guys enough.  My relationships have changed a bit over this last year…you can really tell who you just party with and who you have long lasting connections with based on who is still around at the end of the day. I don’t feel like I’m running or hiding from anything anymore.  And I really don’t think I would have made it this far in my weight loss journey if it weren’t for quitting my partying life.  I am now so much more open to a relationship bc I have nothing to hide.  I feel so much closer to everyone around me and living inside of these truths and fully engaging in life feels fantastical.  So if you are struggling with anything of the sort, please know that you are not alone and that nothing is impossible.  If this girl right here…

wpid-img953554.jpgwpid-img953555.jpgwpid-img_20140515_092147.jpgwpid-img953543.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423434554955.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423434534721.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423434330376.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423434302720.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423434288313.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423434267409.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423434205896.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423434165894.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423434194640.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423434139948.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423434157163.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423434116184.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423434088520.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423434070822.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423434077803.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423434066022.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423434047511.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423434002152.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423434017677.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423433988734.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423433948953.jpg wpid-fb_img_1423433827476.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423433914756.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423433819171.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423433794425.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423433738213.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423433757970.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423433670635.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423433663798.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423433637226.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423433644438.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423433621016.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423433628908.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423433598095.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423433584937.jpgwpid-fb_img_1423433562344.jpgwpid-2015-02-08-17.42.54.png.pngwpid-2015-02-08-17.43.34.png.pngwpid-2015-02-08-17.44.10.png.png

can quit drinking…literally anyone can. I mean it’s like I wouldn’t appear if there wasn’t a drink in my hand! But as I look over this past year, I wouldn’t want to change a thing and I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on any level, if anything I’ve gained tenfold from the experience!!! I am actually living life!

wpid-img_20140331_213549.jpgwpid-img_20140411_152928.jpgwpid-img_20140411_091351.jpgwpid-img_20140403_091622.jpgwpid-img_20140410_093644.jpgwpid-2014-04-17-12.39.53.jpg.jpegwpid-img_20140502_162954.jpgwpid-img_20140502_163155.jpgwpid-img_20140502_162725.jpgwpid-img_20140516_090630.jpg wpid-20140416_152504.jpgwpid-img_20140501_164448.jpgwpid-img_20140521_094543.jpg wpid-img_20140424_224506.jpgwpid-img_20140406_180411.jpgwpid-img_20140420_201007.jpgwpid-img_20140420_201253.jpgwpid-img_20140503_174659.jpgwpid-img_20140503_174551.jpg wpid-img_20140608_102722.jpgwpid-img_20140610_131452.jpgwpid-img_20140619_111104.jpgwpid-img_20140712_144307.jpgwpid-img_20140712_101232.jpgwpid-img_20140714_095314.jpg wpid-img_20140726_101748.jpgwpid-img_20140721_092138.jpgwpid-img_20140715_143158.jpgwpid-img_20140730_203641.jpgwpid-img_20140806_142534.jpgwpid-img_20140807_211326.jpgwpid-img_20140813_083023.jpgwpid-img_20140819_071807.jpg wpid-20140525_103411.jpgwpid-20140604_210853.jpgwpid-20140614_092833.jpgwpid-20140621_183155.jpg wpid-20140624_194422.jpgwpid-20140625_104422.jpgwpid-2014-06-28-17.49.04.jpg.jpegwpid-20140705_172345.jpgwpid-20140718_195104.jpgwpid-20140719_123631.jpgwpid-20140720_000338.jpgwpid-20140724_084249.jpgwpid-20140731_075654.jpgwpid-20140821_174548.jpgwpid-20140822_192913.jpgwpid-20140823_201612.jpgwpid-20140907_184915.jpgwpid-20140926_121245.jpgwpid-img_20140925_205013.jpgwpid-20140926_125726.jpgwpid-20140927_112352.jpgwpid-20140927_155211.jpgwpid-20140927_161951.jpgwpid-20140927_162207.jpgwpid-20140927_164558.jpgwpid-20141010_202433.jpg wpid-20141017_155111.jpgwpid-20141024_145018.jpgwpid-20141030_085346.jpgwpid-20141031_111604.jpgwpid-20141101_173552.jpgwpid-20141101_175615.jpgwpid-20141101_180002.jpgwpid-20141101_182032.jpgwpid-20141103_185607.jpgwpid-20141108_222822.jpgwpid-20141110_084049.jpgwpid-img_20141205_211945.jpgwpid-20141124_093520.jpgwpid-2014-11-25-12.52.59.jpg.jpegwpid-20141127_172028.jpgwpid-20141206_121911.jpgwpid-img_1384.jpgwpid-20141211_151742.jpgwpid-img_20141129_202311.jpgwpid-20141212_194230.jpgwpid-20141216_193552.jpgwpid-20141220_105924.jpgwpid-20141220_172745.jpgwpid-20141224_202822.jpgwpid-20141224_202844.jpgwpid-img_20141225_152340.jpgwpid-20150101_142324.jpgwpid-20150102_154123.jpgwpid-img_20150102_193549.jpg wpid-img_20141227_132400.jpgwpid-20150103_102516.jpgwpid-20150103_121559.jpgwpid-20150111_181759.jpgwpid-20150116_155244.jpgwpid-20150116_200630.jpgwpid-20150124_193401.jpgwpid-20150124_195154.jpgwpid-20150124_222226.jpgwpid-20150124_210330.jpg wpid-20150127_195811.jpgwpid-20150127_201809.jpgwpid-20150130_125641.jpgwpid-20150131_204120.jpgwpid-20150201_160118.jpgwpid-20150204_090036.jpgwpid-img_20150202_084312.jpg

Look at all that fun!!!  Jenny and I are saving our lives and we are having the living best time doing it and for me, doing it sober.  I’ve never been this happy, I’ve never felt this good and the hangovers are gone on every single level.  I feel closer to my family, friends and my team at work.  I know myself better than I ever have before.  I know what I want in life and I’m willing to do the hard work to get it.  I believe that I will reach my goal and I will be surrounded with people who love me and whom I love so dearly. I’ve learned that I am a writer and that I am capable of anything I put my mind to.  I am strong and powerful but I can be kind, loving and caring.  I am sober.

So, how do you celebrate!? Well, my old computer ceremoniously died while I was doing my taxes

wpid-20150208_193706.jpg

(It was the only sedintary activity I could think of besides blogging)… and it died quite possibly from pneumonia, when I got back from NYC!  So I said goodbye to sweet Rose Nyland…

wpid-20150208_174514.jpg

She was my first laptop and my first MAC product…it was a sad day, but a looooong time coming…she’s so 2 thousand and late.  So I called my sweet parents since they are my nights in shining armor and since I am still so fucking sick I can’t be trusted to drive and Sunday morning they came and scooped me up and drove me to the mall.  I put on the cutest thing I could find that was clean!  Another NYC find and another straight size shirt, I chose to wear it backwards!

wpid-20150208_193557.jpgwpid-20150208_193520.jpg

A new laptop is in order….what a perfect way to celebrate!  World…let me introduce you to Francis…

wpid-20150208_163354.jpgwpid-20150208_163300.jpg

I love her already!!!!  Annnnnd since it’s so much smaller, I got the 13th inch retina display MacBook Pro and I can actually fit it in my new awesome recently purchased NU bag #grown

wpid-20150208_163323.jpg

I feel so grown up.  Now it’s time to get serious about my budget seeing as how this was an emergency purchase, I just came back from an awesome but expensive trip to NYC and I owed both the federal and state government taxes!  So Cara Dempsey get ready!!! I’m going to commit to your budget training! So, in closing….this has been a life changing year full of ups and downs, with tons of progress and steps backwards.  This is just the beginning of a new life and I just want to tell you how grateful I am for everyone who has decided to take a chance on two kids from Raleigh and watch the journey unfold.  Your support, kind words, kick in the ass when we need it and everything in between has been so unexpected and exactly what we needed.  Thank you thank you thank you. Love you love you love you.  Cheers to that.

wpid-2015-02-09-20.56.08.png.png

8 comments

  1. Bawling!!!! The difference in the 2nd set of pictures is amazing! You are so much happier and healthier!!!! What an amazing year! It’s such an honor to have a front row seat in your journey! I am blessed times a million to call you my fister and my best fucking friend! I love you so much did!!!! I am so incredibly proud and happy!!!!!!!!!

  2. Sara Lauren! Sara Warren here…I’ve been following you for a few months now and I now read this blog religiously. First. You look freaking fantastic!! Second, You are my hero!! I myself have been contemplating sobriety. I just know that alcohol is holding me back from truly reaching my goals. I’d be interested in asking you a few questions on how you handled certain scenarios. Give me a shout!!

  3. Could not be prouder of you, Sara. You are such a talented girl and such an inspiration to us all. Tears of joy, love and momma pride!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s