big changes

Two Meatballs: Let It Gooooo, Let it Go!

We’re back you guys and it feels so good!


Thank you for indulging us and letting us enjoy a decadent two week mental and spiritual vacation from writing.  We were both feeling very stuck and crushed by pressure and lacking ANYTHING new or exciting to talk about.  But over the past two weeks we both really reinvested into ourselves and came out the other side feeling recharged, refreshed, refocused, reconnected, positive and powerful. We got back to our breakfast meetings!


So now what?  We can’t go back, because we want to move forward.  Tonight Jenny came over and we discussed where we want the blog to go and what we want in life.  First we meditated together using my new favorite app Headspace and it really helped set the tone and help us be mindful and present.  Then we snuggled and chatted it up about what we’ve learned individually over the past couple of weeks.


Here are Jenny’s revelations:

Jenny said she has turned a corner and is feeling a more positive connection with food, she doesn’t have the sugar dingers going off (no obsessive cupcake tormentors), everything doesn’t have to live so tightly in a box, I have the freedom to make the choices I want to make in peace, I want to feel good in my clothes, in my body, in my spirit, I don’t want to be number obsessed, calorie obsessed or even self obsessed as I can easily live in my own mind.  I don’t want to go over and over all the decisions I’ve made and critique them over and over.  At the end of the day I just want to be happy and I’m happiest when I’m just living in the moment; making the best decisions for my family but most importantly the best decisions for myself.  I am so grateful for all the support I have in my life.  I have the best family in the world.  I have all the knowledge to make positive decisions. #happygirlsaretheprettiest


Here are my revelations (this is Sara haha)

I want more balance.  I want to feel more connected in my own life.  I want to stop replacing one bad decision for another.  I want to feel my feelings not just think my thoughts, and to stop operating  outside of my own body.  Obsession is really big for me as well.  The scale has been haunting me and the unnecessary pressure that I put on myself is actually making me move further away from health.  I want to be less obsessed with the end result and more in-tuned with what is happening today. I  Want to put healthy food into my body and healthy thoughts into my mind.  I want to be less militant and more accepting of myself and others.  Everyday I want to remember how grateful I am and how happy I am.  I am so thankful for everything.  I want to keep exploring  and trying new things and meeting new people and taking care of myself.  I am so grateful I get to do this with my best friend.


We are so glad to be here on every level.  This is such a part of our lives now that it keeps us focused.  These last couple of days we really started reconnecting bc we knew it was time.  It just feels good.  We think about it every single day.  We both missed writing and wondered what it would be like to write again.  We both wondered what it would be like to be moving forward again.  We both find ourselves getting pumped up by reading old posts and reminiscing over old photos.  We look forward to loving our pictures again.  And motivating ourselves.   I think it’s all boiling down to progress not perfection.  Lets really take the pressure off, put the scale up for awhile and let our clothes do the talking.  Before this journey we both would have quit when it got this hard.  After all, we are learning this is so much deeper than losing weight.  But we are so committed to this life that it feels impossible to quit.  This is our life and we are very grateful.  Nobody said it would be easy.  We’ve never been in anything this long before and we both still want ti this bad, the ups , the downs, we still feel so present in this journey to conquer this road block in our life.  That in and of itself feels like a huge success.  You guys, we are still here and ready to rumble despite or in spite of our weight gains and health hurdles.  Jenny said the goal is not 135, the goal is now to find peace with the decisions that you are making and I couldn’t agree more.  Health is our goal.  Happiness is our goal.  Feeling good in our own skin is our goal.  Inspiring ourselves and others is our goal.  Kicking ass and taking names is our goal.  Really getting to know ourselves is our goal.  Living life limitlessly is our goal.  Being active is our goal.  Putting healthy things into our body is our goal.


We’ve done things we could have never imagined.  We became Fleet Feet personalities, we bared our souls to strangers, we had nothing and we shared everything, we got naked and put our actual weights out into the world, we have continued to work out no matter what, our meatball nation feels like they really know us even if we haven’t met, we have been so honest about everything, we did group fitness which seemed so scary before, we juiced  we gave up pasta and bread and sweets, we found out so much about the deeper underlying issues, we watch documentaries on the toxic chemicals in food, I got sober, we’re not running or hiding from our own life.  We put such limits on ourselves, we were so controlling and missing out on so much.  We have really accepted ourselves and the challenge.  We are strong, we are unashamed and we are changed people.  We both had anxiety about any social situations (for Jenny it was her body and for me it was anything new; would I fit into the booth!?).  Now we are so much more comfortable and free in public.  We now have a different dialogues in our minds or with our families. London asks how different foods are going to affect her.  Jenny and Brandon are in a better place.  I feel like I am such a more empathetic person and so willing and wanting to experience all that life has to offer.


So in closing, we have changed.  Thank you for growing, moving and changing with us.  We have learned that our boundaries need to be flexible and changing.  We want to get better everyday. We love you so much and we can’t wait to keep exploring this! Cheers to the future!


Two Meatballs: Confessions of a Reformed Binge Drinker

Hello!  It’s Sara!!!  When I started this journey, I made what I thought was one of many wise decisions.  I decided to quit drinking and smoking for a month to get my mind right.  I knew I would be setting myself up for success if my mind was clear and I realllllly wanted to quit smoking for good this time, especially coming off of my bought with walking pneumonia (apparently it’s my yearly gift I give to myself).  At the end of the month I was surprised to find out that I didn’t miss drinking…like at all.  So I decided to go for three more months.  Then my boss Joelle sent me a link to Kelly Fitzgerald’s Huffington Post article, 7 Things I Learned During My Year Without Alcohol (you should google this and read it…it was life changing for me). I read it and I related to every single word.  It was like she was talking to me or she was me or I was her.  I really started taking stock of my own life and my decisions. I was partying so hard that I was literally killing myself..was it even fun anymore?!  I wrote a lot about my drinking problem in such posts as Two Meatballs: Pickled Meatball and that is when I decided to try my own year without alcohol! At the time it seemed overwhelming to think that I could do anything for an entire year…especially at my age when drinking is so incredibly social and expected.  But guess what you guys…yesterday, Monday, February 9th was officially an entire year of no drinking or smoking for this reformed party girl. I feel very overwhelmed with unexpected emotion writing this post. I just started bawling actually.  Now that I think of it, I get a little teary every time I start talking about this big life change. First, I feel a huge sense of relief and freedom.  I am a shiny, fun person and drinking, at least the way that I chose to do it, really dulled that shine.  Also, I feel a huge sense of accomplishment.  I’ve never done anything like this before and actually stuck to it.  I never really saw myself as someone who didn’t drink. I judged those who didn’t drink.  But that is exactly who I am and to be totally honest, I’m a much better person for it. The integrity that I feel from saying I’m going to do something and ACTUALLY doing it feels incredible.  I feel so in control.  So, how does one celebrate a year without alcohol? Well, this was a tricky one.  I could celebrate with a glass of champagne…I mean after all I just said a year right!?  But I learned the most valuable lesson over this past year.  Alcohol is not for me.  That is a scary thing to say out loud.  I have a problem and I can’t risk going back.  Even though, I think that I could now drink like a normal person now…i’ve learned so much about boundaries and portion control and living a less excessive life, buuuuut having said that, I don’t think I could drink without wanting to smoke and to me it’s just not worth it.  Now don’t get me wrong, I am not bothered by others drinking.  It isn’t anyone else’s problem that I cannot drink responsibly.  If drinking is a happy contributor to your life far be it from me to try and take it away from you just bc it doesn’t fit into my goals for myself!  I have many friends who live a happy life without meat and I support them but cannot imagine my life without steak #carnivore. I think I am even more fun now that no one has to babysit me.  So this is my proclamation to the world….I am now living a sober life with no regrets.  I never thought I would say these words, but I don’t think I’m ever going to drink again and I couldn’t be happier about this decision.  Everyone has been so supportive and I can’t thank you guys enough.  My relationships have changed a bit over this last year…you can really tell who you just party with and who you have long lasting connections with based on who is still around at the end of the day. I don’t feel like I’m running or hiding from anything anymore.  And I really don’t think I would have made it this far in my weight loss journey if it weren’t for quitting my partying life.  I am now so much more open to a relationship bc I have nothing to hide.  I feel so much closer to everyone around me and living inside of these truths and fully engaging in life feels fantastical.  So if you are struggling with anything of the sort, please know that you are not alone and that nothing is impossible.  If this girl right here…

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can quit drinking…literally anyone can. I mean it’s like I wouldn’t appear if there wasn’t a drink in my hand! But as I look over this past year, I wouldn’t want to change a thing and I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on any level, if anything I’ve gained tenfold from the experience!!! I am actually living life!

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Look at all that fun!!!  Jenny and I are saving our lives and we are having the living best time doing it and for me, doing it sober.  I’ve never been this happy, I’ve never felt this good and the hangovers are gone on every single level.  I feel closer to my family, friends and my team at work.  I know myself better than I ever have before.  I know what I want in life and I’m willing to do the hard work to get it.  I believe that I will reach my goal and I will be surrounded with people who love me and whom I love so dearly. I’ve learned that I am a writer and that I am capable of anything I put my mind to.  I am strong and powerful but I can be kind, loving and caring.  I am sober.

So, how do you celebrate!? Well, my old computer ceremoniously died while I was doing my taxes


(It was the only sedintary activity I could think of besides blogging)… and it died quite possibly from pneumonia, when I got back from NYC!  So I said goodbye to sweet Rose Nyland…


She was my first laptop and my first MAC product…it was a sad day, but a looooong time coming…she’s so 2 thousand and late.  So I called my sweet parents since they are my nights in shining armor and since I am still so fucking sick I can’t be trusted to drive and Sunday morning they came and scooped me up and drove me to the mall.  I put on the cutest thing I could find that was clean!  Another NYC find and another straight size shirt, I chose to wear it backwards!


A new laptop is in order….what a perfect way to celebrate!  World…let me introduce you to Francis…


I love her already!!!!  Annnnnd since it’s so much smaller, I got the 13th inch retina display MacBook Pro and I can actually fit it in my new awesome recently purchased NU bag #grown


I feel so grown up.  Now it’s time to get serious about my budget seeing as how this was an emergency purchase, I just came back from an awesome but expensive trip to NYC and I owed both the federal and state government taxes!  So Cara Dempsey get ready!!! I’m going to commit to your budget training! So, in closing….this has been a life changing year full of ups and downs, with tons of progress and steps backwards.  This is just the beginning of a new life and I just want to tell you how grateful I am for everyone who has decided to take a chance on two kids from Raleigh and watch the journey unfold.  Your support, kind words, kick in the ass when we need it and everything in between has been so unexpected and exactly what we needed.  Thank you thank you thank you. Love you love you love you.  Cheers to that.


Two Meatballs: Guess What I Did You Guys!?

Heyyyyyyyyy!  It’s Sara!!!!  So, you guys have been following us for awhile now and over the last 7 months Jenny and I have drastically changed our lives in an effort to find our way to a healthy life .  Together we have lost 121 pounds and we truly look and feel like different people!


The gym, cooking healthy meals at home and digging deep and finding out why we ate poorly in the first place are all a part of this success and a part of our daily lives now.


We have hit many challenges along the way…like what to do when you are out with friends and tempted (hello steak frites!)


But the progress has been amazing!!!


Soooooo, guess what I did!?!  With all this progress and knowledge, this month I decided to reward myself for losing 73 pounds by….gaining 3 pounds!!!


You guys…I have been doing whatever the fuck I wanted allllllllll month long and now it’s the 18th!!! I’m not going to lie…it has been so fun and temporarily freeing…but it is also something I know how to do really well and not somewhere I want to stay.  Which means at best I can maybe lose the weight I gained…hopefully!  My new nightmare is that my chalkboard has a plus sign on it!  I got cocky…like really cocky!!! I mean I’ve been buying all these adorable outfits which makes me think that there is no wayyyy I gained weight…look at this leather circle skirt!!!


But my body is starting to feel lumpy again and I don’t feel as beast like at the gym and I’m stuffy and not sleeping as well so I knowwwwww it’s def time to get back on track!!! But I  just kept thinking…it will be fine!!!  Silly rabbit…a lot of sex doesn’t burn enough calories to keep up with all those fries and the 3 batches of cookies you made in 3 weeks! (I finally found one that is healthier and amazing!!!)


But I digress…so getting back in the kitchen with Jenny and cooking felt amazing and tasted great and my body felt so much better.


Having healthier dates with Zan have been great and I’ve actually been learning how to cook sans recipe…


I am leaving Sunday for 2 weeks at the beach which could be an even slippery-er slope, but I’m not going to fold!  I know that this is not new information coming from me but it has further solidified for me that this will always be a battle that sometimes I will be on top of and sometimes I will be underneath!!!  It’s time to get back on top!  I got myself some healthy snacks!!!


And am ready to recommit to Paleo and the gym!!!  I do not want to go back here…this picture was one of the happiest days of my professional life.  I was working backstage at New York Fashion Week at the Skaist-Taylor show and I was 356 puounds…my heaviest ever.  I will not go back, this is a bump in the road.  I ate a piece…or three pieces of pizza the other night and thought…oh shit, this is rock bottom!!!  So I’m back!!!!  And fucking serious!!! My mind is strong and I just have to lead it in the right direction…my body doesn’t neeeeed cookies but my mind sure did!!!  I want to keep pushing through!


Thanks for letting me vent and supporting me!!!  Love you all…somebody push the weigh in date back please!!!  Haha time to bust ass!!!