Two Meatballs: Let It Gooooo, Let it Go!

We’re back you guys and it feels so good!


Thank you for indulging us and letting us enjoy a decadent two week mental and spiritual vacation from writing.  We were both feeling very stuck and crushed by pressure and lacking ANYTHING new or exciting to talk about.  But over the past two weeks we both really reinvested into ourselves and came out the other side feeling recharged, refreshed, refocused, reconnected, positive and powerful. We got back to our breakfast meetings!


So now what?  We can’t go back, because we want to move forward.  Tonight Jenny came over and we discussed where we want the blog to go and what we want in life.  First we meditated together using my new favorite app Headspace and it really helped set the tone and help us be mindful and present.  Then we snuggled and chatted it up about what we’ve learned individually over the past couple of weeks.


Here are Jenny’s revelations:

Jenny said she has turned a corner and is feeling a more positive connection with food, she doesn’t have the sugar dingers going off (no obsessive cupcake tormentors), everything doesn’t have to live so tightly in a box, I have the freedom to make the choices I want to make in peace, I want to feel good in my clothes, in my body, in my spirit, I don’t want to be number obsessed, calorie obsessed or even self obsessed as I can easily live in my own mind.  I don’t want to go over and over all the decisions I’ve made and critique them over and over.  At the end of the day I just want to be happy and I’m happiest when I’m just living in the moment; making the best decisions for my family but most importantly the best decisions for myself.  I am so grateful for all the support I have in my life.  I have the best family in the world.  I have all the knowledge to make positive decisions. #happygirlsaretheprettiest


Here are my revelations (this is Sara haha)

I want more balance.  I want to feel more connected in my own life.  I want to stop replacing one bad decision for another.  I want to feel my feelings not just think my thoughts, and to stop operating  outside of my own body.  Obsession is really big for me as well.  The scale has been haunting me and the unnecessary pressure that I put on myself is actually making me move further away from health.  I want to be less obsessed with the end result and more in-tuned with what is happening today. I  Want to put healthy food into my body and healthy thoughts into my mind.  I want to be less militant and more accepting of myself and others.  Everyday I want to remember how grateful I am and how happy I am.  I am so thankful for everything.  I want to keep exploring  and trying new things and meeting new people and taking care of myself.  I am so grateful I get to do this with my best friend.


We are so glad to be here on every level.  This is such a part of our lives now that it keeps us focused.  These last couple of days we really started reconnecting bc we knew it was time.  It just feels good.  We think about it every single day.  We both missed writing and wondered what it would be like to write again.  We both wondered what it would be like to be moving forward again.  We both find ourselves getting pumped up by reading old posts and reminiscing over old photos.  We look forward to loving our pictures again.  And motivating ourselves.   I think it’s all boiling down to progress not perfection.  Lets really take the pressure off, put the scale up for awhile and let our clothes do the talking.  Before this journey we both would have quit when it got this hard.  After all, we are learning this is so much deeper than losing weight.  But we are so committed to this life that it feels impossible to quit.  This is our life and we are very grateful.  Nobody said it would be easy.  We’ve never been in anything this long before and we both still want ti this bad, the ups , the downs, we still feel so present in this journey to conquer this road block in our life.  That in and of itself feels like a huge success.  You guys, we are still here and ready to rumble despite or in spite of our weight gains and health hurdles.  Jenny said the goal is not 135, the goal is now to find peace with the decisions that you are making and I couldn’t agree more.  Health is our goal.  Happiness is our goal.  Feeling good in our own skin is our goal.  Inspiring ourselves and others is our goal.  Kicking ass and taking names is our goal.  Really getting to know ourselves is our goal.  Living life limitlessly is our goal.  Being active is our goal.  Putting healthy things into our body is our goal.


We’ve done things we could have never imagined.  We became Fleet Feet personalities, we bared our souls to strangers, we had nothing and we shared everything, we got naked and put our actual weights out into the world, we have continued to work out no matter what, our meatball nation feels like they really know us even if we haven’t met, we have been so honest about everything, we did group fitness which seemed so scary before, we juiced  we gave up pasta and bread and sweets, we found out so much about the deeper underlying issues, we watch documentaries on the toxic chemicals in food, I got sober, we’re not running or hiding from our own life.  We put such limits on ourselves, we were so controlling and missing out on so much.  We have really accepted ourselves and the challenge.  We are strong, we are unashamed and we are changed people.  We both had anxiety about any social situations (for Jenny it was her body and for me it was anything new; would I fit into the booth!?).  Now we are so much more comfortable and free in public.  We now have a different dialogues in our minds or with our families. London asks how different foods are going to affect her.  Jenny and Brandon are in a better place.  I feel like I am such a more empathetic person and so willing and wanting to experience all that life has to offer.


So in closing, we have changed.  Thank you for growing, moving and changing with us.  We have learned that our boundaries need to be flexible and changing.  We want to get better everyday. We love you so much and we can’t wait to keep exploring this! Cheers to the future!


Two Meatballs: Post Dramatic Stress!!!

What a weekend/beginning of the week!  (*Disclaimer, this is a long post but I promise it isn’t all just a picture dump…shit goes down a couple of paragraphs down. #spoileralert)

My head is spinning and my bed is calling me like a siren. But all for good reason!  Saturday morning I got up early to celebrate this little cutie turning 5! Isn’t he the sweetest!


One sour, one sweet!  We went to Chuck E Cheese and had the living funnest/semi active time!


Chasey Poo’s sweet friends showed up to celebrate…what is cuter than 5 year olds!?


They won a millionty tickets and got little prizes!


Presents time!


Then a super healthy Beard family lunch at B.Good #newleaf


When Wyatt turned 6, I started a hotel birthday sleepover tradition.  This year Chase was finally ready to join the fun, sooooo on to the main event!  This is the text I got from Mom the day before!


Chase is the sweetest little nugget!  We pulled up to the Renaissance in North Hills and checked in.  He was so excited about the room!


We did everything you’re not supposed to!  We played ball in the house, spoiled our dinner with candy and soda, jumped on the bed, did messy experiments and climbed in the shower!


We even explore North Hills in our pjs and ate room service in bed!



Chase!!!!  Happy birthday my little puppy.  Mo loves you oh so much.  the next morning I woke up at 5 and started packing up.  My early riser slept in and I had to wake him up at 630 to drop him off at home.  As I walked out he told his mom, It was the best day.  Still crying!  Then it was off to my house to get ready for the weigh in shoot!  Jenny picked me up at 8!


We rode to Cara Dempsey’s house and walked in to such a thoughtful scene!


We spent the next hour and a half trying to look pretty and skinnier than we feel!


These are my favorite pics!  We even got a little exercise in!


Then it was off to a LBP sponsored brunch that we won at work with our Samuel Cole fammy!


Jenny and I split the Andouille Sausage meal and the Shrimp and Grits!


While Dempsey edited our photos!  She did such an amazing job!  Thank you Cara!!!!  Xoxo


Love you guys so much! #worklife #gratefuleveryday


Then Jenny and I left to go write the post.  The photos ended up taking 4.5 hours to upload!!!!  UGH!!!! I had not planned this into my over scheduled Sunday!  They finally uploaded and at 730 the post was finished! #shew!  Then I went into work to get my end of month numbers ready and finish my portion of reported numbers for the salon meeting.  I left there around 930 and finished some chores and passed out early.  6am came and I got up and got ready for my favorite class of the year! Color Bootcamp.  This class has evolved so much over the years and i think this year Carolyn and I totally nailed the format and content and our support educators Jenny, Alley and Natalie all nailed their hands on parts!!!  We went hard all day with Consultations, Formulations and Foiling day 1.  The day came to an end at 6!


It’s so fun to really drive home the concept that the conversation is the relationship…that the consultation is the conversation and that the consultation is everything.  Color can be so simple if you know how to communicate!  Ok, so I left work, grabbed a salad, got home and checked on the blog to see if any last minute changes needed to happen before our 8pm posting.  You guys…at 651 pm I found out that my computer ate the blog.  Like all that was left was the title, a few sentences and 6 pictures….out of like 120!  It took me 15 minutes of obsessively refreshing my computer to accept the sad fact that it was indeed gone.  I tried to stay calm bc freaking out does nothing.  I started frantically rewriting it….trying to remember all my comedic gems and hilarious hashtags…sweating balls.  I couldn’t get in touch with Jenny, so I stalked Brandon and begged someone to call me.  Jenny called, I explained the situation and she rewrote her part. time check 740!  I couldn’t seem to get myself unwound…I was jacked with adrenaline #jackbauerstyle All of the sudden it was 8,  time to post, promote, tell Roseanne and Susan Sarandon how we were doing (they did not care this month haha) and finally it felt over.  But this unfortunate mishap led me to lots of realizations.  I am not good at asking for help.  I feel like I should be able to do it all myself.  I make decisions without consulting others. I am particular and like things my way.  I can be intimidating.  I get overburdened bc I keep a very full plate and inevitably something goes off plan and then I get extremely overwhelmed and lose my ability to prioritize and I start cutting out important things.  I feel guilty and selfish taking time away from my commitments to take care of myself.  The gym and grocery store and the cleanliness of my house are the first casualties.  I become exhausted, I gain weight, I start to not feel so great about myself, I become anxious and my keyed up energy affects everyone around me.  I become so desperate to mark something…ANYTHING off my list that I start distractedly doing things that are not up to snuff.  I become resentful.  Zebra cakes and negativity seem like they are going comfort me.  I never sleep…I become manic.  Really really manic.  I came home from posting the weigh in blog and immediately I burst in to tears.  I needed  a release. Anyone who is reading this who can’t really relate  would think, that seems like kind of an extreme reaction to botched technology and a lost post.  But, it’s not about the fucking post.  It’s that I haven’t learned yet that the conversation is the relationship.  Its funny how the class you are teaching is the class that you need the most. Oh fate! I don’t have to be an island.  That those around me would gladly help me as I gladly help them.  That I deserve to be a priority in my own life.  That I need to ask for what I need and if I don’t, then I can’t resent anyone but myself.  So, the next morning came early and another day of bootcamp was on the horizon.  Jenny and I had a great talk.  I was finally honest and asked for help  and told her that I don’t love doing the weigh in posts alone.  Everything that we do it more fun together.  I also learned that I am very controlling sometimes and the impression that I have been giving is that I like it a  certain way and that it is my way of the highway.  I love knowing that because this is OUR blog and I don’t want to let my controlling ways and personal aesthetic to overrule our ability to collaborate and the SHARED vision that we had when we started two meatballs.  It is so important to me that this is a joint venture that is FUN with my very best friend.  Ohhhhhh, the conversation is the relationship.  I love opening up and seeing someone else’s perspective, bc perception is reality.  Despite the overwhelming schedule this was such a fantastic weekend/monday/tuesday and a lot of that had to do with the large amount of time that Jenny and I got to spend together. We’ve been disconnected lately. I mean look how fun day 2 of bootcamp was!


When I look back, I realize that I have to speak up more (who would have thought?!) and not keep piling on.  I also need to be more upfront and honest when I need help.  And lastly I need to always take care of myself first before I try and help the world, otherwise I’m no good.  Thank you to everyone who puts up with my mania.  I really am trying everyday to learn lessons and evolve into a better person who doesn’t poison the well with my chaotic energy.  And to everyone reading, you are worth making yourself a priority.  You don’t have to do anything alone.  You also don’t have to be a martyr.  Lessons learned…now time to implement them.  Love you all.  Now it’s time to sleeeeeeeeeep and take a deep breath as I’ve been holding it the entire time I was writing this and reliving the past few days.  In through the nose out through the mouth.  I have so many things to be grateful for and most of them involve the people who I’m blessed enough to have in my life. Burden officially lifted.