overwhelmed

Two Meatballs: Post Dramatic Stress!!!

What a weekend/beginning of the week!  (*Disclaimer, this is a long post but I promise it isn’t all just a picture dump…shit goes down a couple of paragraphs down. #spoileralert)

My head is spinning and my bed is calling me like a siren. But all for good reason!  Saturday morning I got up early to celebrate this little cutie turning 5! Isn’t he the sweetest!

wpid-20150502_100014.jpgwpid-20150502_100010.jpg

One sour, one sweet!  We went to Chuck E Cheese and had the living funnest/semi active time!

wpid-20150502_101426.jpgwpid-20150502_101523.jpgwpid-img_20150502_102216.jpgwpid-20150502_104011.jpgwpid-20150502_103204.jpgwpid-20150502_103031.jpgwpid-20150502_103041.jpg

Chasey Poo’s sweet friends showed up to celebrate…what is cuter than 5 year olds!?

wpid-20150502_101232.jpgwpid-20150502_103233.jpgwpid-20150502_110114.jpgwpid-20150502_105401.jpgwpid-20150502_110008.jpg

They won a millionty tickets and got little prizes!

wpid-20150502_111934.jpgwpid-20150502_114319.jpg

Presents time!

wpid-20150502_120209.jpg

Then a super healthy Beard family lunch at B.Good #newleaf

wpid-20150502_123504.jpgwpid-20150502_123514.jpgwpid-20150502_123522.jpgwpid-20150502_123524.jpg

When Wyatt turned 6, I started a hotel birthday sleepover tradition.  This year Chase was finally ready to join the fun, sooooo on to the main event!  This is the text I got from Mom the day before!

wpid-20150506_213244.png

Chase is the sweetest little nugget!  We pulled up to the Renaissance in North Hills and checked in.  He was so excited about the room!

wpid-20150502_135231.jpgwpid-20150502_135238.jpgwpid-20150502_135252.jpgwpid-20150502_135304.jpg

We did everything you’re not supposed to!  We played ball in the house, spoiled our dinner with candy and soda, jumped on the bed, did messy experiments and climbed in the shower!

wpid-20150502_142133.jpgwpid-20150502_141842.jpgwpid-20150502_141923.jpgwpid-20150502_135331.jpgwpid-20150502_143658.jpgwpid-20150502_154649.jpgwpid-20150502_175807.jpgwpid-20150502_175817.jpg

We even explore North Hills in our pjs and ate room service in bed!

wpid-20150502_182614.jpgwpid-20150502_194033.jpg

 

Chase!!!!  Happy birthday my little puppy.  Mo loves you oh so much.  the next morning I woke up at 5 and started packing up.  My early riser slept in and I had to wake him up at 630 to drop him off at home.  As I walked out he told his mom, It was the best day.  Still crying!  Then it was off to my house to get ready for the weigh in shoot!  Jenny picked me up at 8!

wpid-img_20150503_080432.jpg

We rode to Cara Dempsey’s house and walked in to such a thoughtful scene!

wpid-20150503_082108.jpg

We spent the next hour and a half trying to look pretty and skinnier than we feel!

IMG_6903IMG_6909IMG_6938IMG_6875

These are my favorite pics!  We even got a little exercise in!

IMG_6860_2

Then it was off to a LBP sponsored brunch that we won at work with our Samuel Cole fammy!

wpid-20150503_103654.jpgwpid-20150503_110749.jpgwpid-20150503_110753.jpgwpid-20150503_110759.jpgwpid-20150503_110812.jpgwpid-20150503_110822.jpgwpid-20150503_113649.jpgwpid-20150503_113851.jpg

Jenny and I split the Andouille Sausage meal and the Shrimp and Grits!

wpid-20150503_113851.jpgwpid-20150503_114902.jpgwpid-20150503_115011.jpgwpid-20150503_115522.jpg

While Dempsey edited our photos!  She did such an amazing job!  Thank you Cara!!!!  Xoxo

wpid-20150503_114904.jpg

Love you guys so much! #worklife #gratefuleveryday

wpid-fb_img_1430675784632.jpg

Then Jenny and I left to go write the post.  The photos ended up taking 4.5 hours to upload!!!!  UGH!!!! I had not planned this into my over scheduled Sunday!  They finally uploaded and at 730 the post was finished! #shew!  Then I went into work to get my end of month numbers ready and finish my portion of reported numbers for the salon meeting.  I left there around 930 and finished some chores and passed out early.  6am came and I got up and got ready for my favorite class of the year! Color Bootcamp.  This class has evolved so much over the years and i think this year Carolyn and I totally nailed the format and content and our support educators Jenny, Alley and Natalie all nailed their hands on parts!!!  We went hard all day with Consultations, Formulations and Foiling day 1.  The day came to an end at 6!

wpid-20150504_093337.jpgwpid-20150504_102336.jpgwpid-20150504_134309.jpgwpid-20150504_134327.jpgwpid-20150504_134621.jpg

It’s so fun to really drive home the concept that the conversation is the relationship…that the consultation is the conversation and that the consultation is everything.  Color can be so simple if you know how to communicate!  Ok, so I left work, grabbed a salad, got home and checked on the blog to see if any last minute changes needed to happen before our 8pm posting.  You guys…at 651 pm I found out that my computer ate the blog.  Like all that was left was the title, a few sentences and 6 pictures….out of like 120!  It took me 15 minutes of obsessively refreshing my computer to accept the sad fact that it was indeed gone.  I tried to stay calm bc freaking out does nothing.  I started frantically rewriting it….trying to remember all my comedic gems and hilarious hashtags…sweating balls.  I couldn’t get in touch with Jenny, so I stalked Brandon and begged someone to call me.  Jenny called, I explained the situation and she rewrote her part. time check 740!  I couldn’t seem to get myself unwound…I was jacked with adrenaline #jackbauerstyle All of the sudden it was 8,  time to post, promote, tell Roseanne and Susan Sarandon how we were doing (they did not care this month haha) and finally it felt over.  But this unfortunate mishap led me to lots of realizations.  I am not good at asking for help.  I feel like I should be able to do it all myself.  I make decisions without consulting others. I am particular and like things my way.  I can be intimidating.  I get overburdened bc I keep a very full plate and inevitably something goes off plan and then I get extremely overwhelmed and lose my ability to prioritize and I start cutting out important things.  I feel guilty and selfish taking time away from my commitments to take care of myself.  The gym and grocery store and the cleanliness of my house are the first casualties.  I become exhausted, I gain weight, I start to not feel so great about myself, I become anxious and my keyed up energy affects everyone around me.  I become so desperate to mark something…ANYTHING off my list that I start distractedly doing things that are not up to snuff.  I become resentful.  Zebra cakes and negativity seem like they are going comfort me.  I never sleep…I become manic.  Really really manic.  I came home from posting the weigh in blog and immediately I burst in to tears.  I needed  a release. Anyone who is reading this who can’t really relate  would think, that seems like kind of an extreme reaction to botched technology and a lost post.  But, it’s not about the fucking post.  It’s that I haven’t learned yet that the conversation is the relationship.  Its funny how the class you are teaching is the class that you need the most. Oh fate! I don’t have to be an island.  That those around me would gladly help me as I gladly help them.  That I deserve to be a priority in my own life.  That I need to ask for what I need and if I don’t, then I can’t resent anyone but myself.  So, the next morning came early and another day of bootcamp was on the horizon.  Jenny and I had a great talk.  I was finally honest and asked for help  and told her that I don’t love doing the weigh in posts alone.  Everything that we do it more fun together.  I also learned that I am very controlling sometimes and the impression that I have been giving is that I like it a  certain way and that it is my way of the highway.  I love knowing that because this is OUR blog and I don’t want to let my controlling ways and personal aesthetic to overrule our ability to collaborate and the SHARED vision that we had when we started two meatballs.  It is so important to me that this is a joint venture that is FUN with my very best friend.  Ohhhhhh, the conversation is the relationship.  I love opening up and seeing someone else’s perspective, bc perception is reality.  Despite the overwhelming schedule this was such a fantastic weekend/monday/tuesday and a lot of that had to do with the large amount of time that Jenny and I got to spend together. We’ve been disconnected lately. I mean look how fun day 2 of bootcamp was!

wpid-20150505_150228.jpgwpid-20150505_143722.jpgwpid-20150505_115625.jpgwpid-20150505_115711.jpgwpid-20150505_115614.jpg

When I look back, I realize that I have to speak up more (who would have thought?!) and not keep piling on.  I also need to be more upfront and honest when I need help.  And lastly I need to always take care of myself first before I try and help the world, otherwise I’m no good.  Thank you to everyone who puts up with my mania.  I really am trying everyday to learn lessons and evolve into a better person who doesn’t poison the well with my chaotic energy.  And to everyone reading, you are worth making yourself a priority.  You don’t have to do anything alone.  You also don’t have to be a martyr.  Lessons learned…now time to implement them.  Love you all.  Now it’s time to sleeeeeeeeeep and take a deep breath as I’ve been holding it the entire time I was writing this and reliving the past few days.  In through the nose out through the mouth.  I have so many things to be grateful for and most of them involve the people who I’m blessed enough to have in my life. Burden officially lifted.

Two Meatballs: The Living Best Excuse!

You guys know how I love a full plate (this means two things lately wink face #nofatno) and lately my plate has been very full…and will continue to be until the middle of next month…..and then if we are being really honest with ourselves…FOREVER.  I have found myself lately saying things like; I’ve just got to get through this week…as long as I make it to Tuesday night…ugh when is this month over!?  And you know what!?

wpid-fb_img_1430171303289.jpg

I don’t like it.  I don’t like wishing time away and I am turning a new leaf today.  I no longer wish to wish my time away.  Kait, one of my co-managers at the salon #heymary #tripodofmanagment

wpid-20150202_130305.jpg

and I were talking about this very subject today and it has really stayed with me. How does one cope!? Being overwhelmed is not a good place for me and I heavily influence that feeling with my choice of words and the spin that I have put on it.  It is hard to appreciate the daily joys if I am allowing myself to wallow in my self appointed busy-dom. I mean…everyone is busy.  Not to mention, I am a happy and joyful person who loves to have fun, my goal is not to be a martyr people.  Soooooo, whats a gal to do!?  Normally, this would be the perfect excuse to really eat my feelings…to give myself an excuse to be too busy to cook, too busy to exercise, ultimately too busy to take care of myself or make myself and my health a priority.  But that is not going to send me back down the scale is it?!  I was 277 when I woke up this morning.  I am officially closer to 300 than I am to 250 and this just cannot be.  I cannot cope with my stress by eating and letting myself and all my hard work fall apart.  The perfect excuse is really just a lie I tell myself to justify what I want and completely ignore what I need. #youjustlyintoyourselfdummy  So here is what I am going to do.

I am going to acknowledge being overwhelmed.  I don’t have to like feeling that way but I don’t have to ignore it.  Sometimes just saying it out loud and then letting it go feels amazing.

I am going to focus on the most pressing matter and then move on to the next thing when task one is complete.

I am going to ask for help when I need it.  I am not an island. #hikrisitna #jkloveyoucuzzy

I am going to remember that no one knows what my plan is.  If things don’t go as planned, no one knows if I don’t tell them, move on. #byefelicia

I am going to make the best decisions I can when it comes to food.  I am strong enough to not give in to myself bc I didn’t plan well while in a constant state of busy. #getoveryourself

I am going to remember that I LOVE being busy…I thrive with a full plate.

I am going to remember that I asked for all of this responsibility…nay, begged for it.  So I am going to be grateful that I get to live the life that I asked for and that I have earned.

wpid-fb_img_1428632962434.jpg

I love my life, I love what I do, I love my family and the people I am blessed to be around each day

wpid-20150409_112749.jpg

and I don’t want to miss a single second of the joy that surrounds me bc I got the life I asked for.  Man, that felt like a mic drop moment for myself.  Who complains about living their dream?!  Not me anymore.  I am grateful and I never want to forget that.  So, now what do I do about my weight!?  Joelle #soulmate once again swooped in and saved my life with this new catch phrase…you know I love a tag line…You just have to get to 276.  You just have to get that needle to move 1 pound.  That is all you need to worry about.  I have been so obsessed with 25 pounds but it’s more than I can bite off. #punintended I always want the end game and today I just need to think about making the best possible decisions that I can and move that needle (in my case digital number from my scale) down by 1.  That is not overwhelming!!!!  That feels so doable.  Bc at this point I have done more than enough talking…it is action time.  More plans to get right again…be active always.  I helped move around some furniture in my sisters house on Monday night…I’ve been running up the stairs at work…I park further away everywhere I go….I started going to the gym again!  Tonight I stopped by my parents house to see that completed project; they had it painted #gorg

wpid-20150429_190234.jpgwpid-20150429_190229.jpg

And my mom and I went on a date to B.Good and I ate so healthy and loved it.  #loveyoumomanddad  At work my most pressing matter is Color Boot Camp which is a two day seminar that Carolyn and I birthed and teach and it all goes down Monday!

wpid-20150413_142638.jpg

We have decided to give our baby a facelift and restructure our  class so that it constantly stays relevant and easy to understand.  I love this class, I love seeing the lightbulbs go off, I love perfecting our genius, I love the labor of love this has become and how much time I get to spend with Carolyn fine tuning it, I love watching Alley, Jenny and Natalie teach and our students soak it all up!  You can’t get too overwhelmed when there is this much perspective huh!?  I have time blocked out to finish up the last portion of the power point tomorrow.  The mannequins are ordered.  The invites have gone out. Check!  This weekend is Chase’s 5th birthday!!!  We are going to Chuck.E.Cheese it up with all his sweet little buddies!  Then, it is Chase’s first year of my very favorite tradition…the hotel birthday sleepover with Aunt Mo! North Hills get ready!  Look at this angel!

wpid-20150306_134728.jpg

 

He is so excited and so am I!!!  The next morning Jenny and I have our weigh in shoot (it will post Monday night at 8!) at Dempseys house.  I don’t know how I’m going to get ready but it will be fine, then we have a work brunch at Humble Pie.  Then I will need to edit, upload and write the weigh in blog. Monday brings the end of my fiscal month at work and I should probably  go in Sunday night to do all of my paperwork and get my numbers in to Laura for the salon meeting since  Monday from 8-6 I will in color boot camp!  Then Monday night I’ll post the weigh in and promote it (obsess over the views).  Then Tuesday 8-6 will be round two of CBC.  All of these things are so exciting.  I am not going to get lost down the rabbit hole and bullshit of being busy.  I’m not going to miss a minute of all these fun things.  I will remember to have fun and shake off that pesky overwhelmed feeling bc it’s not doing a damn thing for me.  Alright you guys.  Thanks again for being here for us.  We need you now more than ever.  Xoxoxoxoxoxxo!  Time to get busy 😉

wpid-img_20141213_180441.jpg

Two Meatballs: The Tale of Two Saras!

Hey you guyyyys!!!  Most of you know a very specific version of me…it is my true self.  She is shiny, bright, funny, quick, full of love for life, never met a stranger, fiercely loyal, loving, inappropriate, passionate, hardworking, focused, evolving, loud and honest . In the spirit of continuing  the week of deep diving, lets see how I lose this girl!!!  So the month of January is my busy season.  Between the prepping for the salon meeting and creating a team builder, writing and practicing The Bobies, performing at The Bobies, my new 5k training program, personal and business travel, a total hair makeover for both the meatballs courtesy of Natalie,

wpid-img_20150112_175914.jpg

and then all the regular stuff like work, the blog and my friends and family and then throw in my raging ADHD…this month is heavy on the activities! I love love love being busy, but every so often I get really overwhelmed. I have high work expectations of myself and I like to do things immediately when asked…this can only happen when I have a normally full plate!  Overwhelmed is my weakest/worst version of myself.  When I  pack even more on my already full plate, I start obsessing and I lose sleep, which makes me cranky and coffee dependent, which makes me even more intense and laser focused (BITCH), which makes me want to comfort myself with food (which explains the 1.2 pound weight gain for Ton of Fun #hahai’mdoingthiswrong), which makes me want to skip the gym and sleep in and all of the sudden I’m angsty and disappointed and really frustrated at myself because I know better. #whenyouknowbetteryoudontalwaysdobetter #itsathing I know that being overwhelmed is my worst trigger.  I really try to set myself up for success at every turn.  And when I’m on, things are great.  I meal plan, I have set laundry days, my house Is clean, I get ahead on the blog so that doesn’t loom in my brain, I know what to expect from myself exercise wise…but when I throw so much more in the mix I start to sink and my normally happy, sunny, joyful, funny outlook and attitude becomes dark, nit picky, bitchy, sarcastic, judgmental, irritated, angry…a real joy to sit next to on the life bus am I  right ladies!?!I know that this is not new information coming from me, but I want to develop this more and talk about what happens next.  I know that these are human moments but I want to take more responsibility for the emotional wake that I leave behind me.  My mood is contagious and I want to spread goodness not anger.  I have a lot of power with my moods.  I used to resent that I didn’t feel like I was allowed to have a bad day, but really what it is is that when you give off good vibes people want to be around you…you lift them up! I want to always lift people up and never drag them down or make them feel bad…but that is my go to when I’m overwhelmed. I get snappy and go for the jugular.  I pick fights for fun.   I talk mad shit for no reason. I ruin days…  who knows even lives!!! Bahahah not really #hopefully And none of these things do I pride myself on.  They all give me an emotional hangover that I can’t afford anymore, not with my goals of becoming Oprah.  So what’s a girl to do?!  Well first off I want to be grateful for all of the opportunities that I have signed up for.  Second, I want to remember that I asked for allll of these things. Perspective is very helpful for me…why complain or resent something that you willingly signed up for.  I want to stop dreading things and go into every situation with a loving heart.  Next I need to learn how to effectively prioritize.  It is unrealistic for me to expect myself to take on so much and be able to do quality work and turn it back around immediately.  I need to complete one thing at a time to the best of my ability with a positive attitude, then move on to the next most important thing instead of obsessing over time tables. I am NOTTTTTT a laid back girl (are you picking that up!?), but I would like to adopt some more go with the flow tactics.  I need to make a schedule and stick to it…this will include when I have to go to bed by!!!!  I will plan my meals for the next couple of weeks and schedule gym visits in my phone!  I owe it to myself to get healthy and a busy month is just part of life not an excuse to eat poorly and be a total bitchface to everyone.  What am I working this hard for in my life if I’m too unhealthy to be around to enjoy the fruits of my labor…or if I alienate everyone around me with my shitty attitude.!?!? It’s time to hit the reset button.  I am telling on myself big time. It’s the tale of two Sara’s and I don’t want for people to get two such varying versions of me especially when I know who I really am! I don’t want to hold people emotionally hostage with my poor planning,  so I’m making the change today.  Thank you for letting me get this off my chest!!! So,  how do you get yourself out of a perpetual state of overwhelmed!?  My family is my reset button.  So this Sunday after working on the salon meeting and The Bobies…and squirelling out hard with my bosses…

wpid-20150109_162901.jpgwpid-20150109_162801.jpgwpid-20150109_162741.jpgwpid-20150111_204810.jpg

I went home and whipped together my now infamous shredded brussel sprout salad

wpid-20150111_164924.jpg

and met my family over at my sister Kelly’s house for a Sunday Dinner…and drawing and fun and snuggling and kissing and a yummy paleo meal!  I mean how much fun can a little Beard clan have?!  First up, drawing!!! Chasey is learning how to spell!

wpid-20150111_164839.jpgwpid-20150111_164852.jpgwpid-20150111_164911.jpg

This is the text I got the next day after we practiced writing Mo (that’s me!)

wpid-2015-01-13-15.43.01.png.png

Wyatt was all snuggled up in Kelly’s bed and politely asked me to leave when I tried to snuggle up with him! Ha #ineedalonetime

wpid-20150111_164951.jpgwpid-20150111_165011.jpg

Kelly was making the yummiest smelling roasted chicken, lemon roasted cauliflower and mom made bacon wrapped sweet potato bites…

wpid-20150111_165105.jpg

Which quickly turned into wrestle/snuggling…we all have ADD!

wpid-20150111_165314.jpg

Wyatt finally emerged from his dungeon…

wpid-20150111_165339.jpg

And we started a drawing competition….I lost!!! Paw Paw and Wyatt won and Chase was the Dugde as he called it!

wpid-20150111_175741.jpgwpid-20150111_180453.jpgwpid-20150111_180501.jpgwpid-20150111_181011.jpgwpid-20150111_181652.jpgwpid-20150111_181720.jpg

Which inevitably turned into this…

wpid-20150111_181015.jpgwpid-20150111_181021.jpgwpid-20150111_181029.jpgwpid-20150111_181035.jpgwpid-20150111_181043.jpgwpid-20150111_181048.jpg

Which led to a dramatic reenactment of Chase throwing a fit!

wpid-20150111_181626.jpg

Dress up…

wpid-20150111_181911.jpg

Which turned into be a vampire, be a kitty, be a dog!

wpid-20150111_181728.jpgwpid-20150111_181732.jpgwpid-20150111_181929.jpg

Which turned into a game I made up called give me your best kiss…look how passionate this child is #handonface #mytwinny

wpid-20150111_181759.jpgwpid-20150111_182046.jpg]

I have the snuggliest family!  Which turned into try this healthy soda! #peachpear #kbtheymadeadrinkafterus!

wpid-20150111_181717.jpg

#yum Which quickly turned into a healthy dinner…

wpid-20150111_171218.jpg

Which turned into my favorite part of the night…telling stories and laughing hysterically at the kitchen table! #areweItaliantooJenny!?

wpid-20150111_184150.jpgwpid-20150111_184151.jpgwpid-20150111_184152.jpgwpid-20150111_184158.jpgwpid-20150111_184159.jpgwpid-20150111_184559.jpg wpid-20150111_184603.jpgwpid-20150111_184605.jpgwpid-20150111_184615.jpgwpid-20150111_184618.jpgwpid-20150111_184623.jpgwpid-20150111_184839.jpg

Which turned into snuggles with my Chasey Poo…and one more story! #brokennose

wpid-20150111_183751.jpgwpid-20150111_183757.jpgwpid-20150111_183836.jpg

The family night came to an end bc the kids needed to go to bed!  But this reset was exactly what I needed to go take stock of my avoidance and conquer it head on by cleaning, cooking and Crest White Strippin it up #ifyourenotwhiteningyoureyellowing

wpid-20150111_195621.jpgwpid-20150111_195647.jpgwpid-20150111_195659.jpgwpid-20150111_203305.jpgwpid-20150111_203148.jpg

Then I went to bed early so that I could be well rested for tomorrows salon meeting.  Jenny and I met at Whole Foods and had a nutritious breakfast.  All of these things helped set me up for success and more importantly gave me the perspective that I always desperately need…girl, you signed up for all of this.  If you can’t do it with a positive attitude and a loving heart, don’t sign up for so damn much! Look forward to the great things in your life instead of assigning negative feelings bc you aren’t managing your time well. Don’t punish others for your decisions!!!  Here is to a happy attitude and a positive emotional wake!!! And in the end, what in the world do I have to complain about…the funnest life!? #boohoo  Love y’all.  We will post something fun next week…Jenny and I just got real deep up in this piece this week!

wpid-20150113_085505.jpg