It’s no secret that I love Beyonce. She is strong, sexy, confident, vulnerable and empowering. I love a strong woman. So, ever since her new visual album, Lemonade dropped on HBO this weekend, I’ve been hooked. I mean somebody look at her!
Look at how powerful this image is…
She talks about infidelity, self worth, making your own way, she calls out side chicks #beckywiththegoodhair, she says, “Imma keep running, cause a winner don’t quit on themselves”! I was mesmerized. I’ve watched it more times than I’d like to admit. So what does this have to do with Meatballs?! Well I went to see my chiropractor this morning. I love telling on myself so I told her I’m still really struggling with food. I’m being lazy and not making good decisions despite my desire to feel healthy again. We talked a lot about it and she asked me, “what motivates you”? I answered the obligatory, “my health”. She said that’s great, but it’s vast. Keep getting more specific so that you can really latch on to it. And I laid there and kept trying to distill it down. Dr. Lauren brought up that when we launched TMGF, we were obsessed with getting on to the Ellen Show. And we were, it was like a rallying cry, we were consumed with female empowerment and that ANYONE could lose weight. That feels so far away now…the thought of Ellen, not the desire to make everyone see their own sexy. And that is when it hit me. I don’t feel as sexy as I used to. If you are new to the blog…this is a big deal!!! I am so hot for me typically. But, I don’t buy cute lingerie for my boyfriend anymore. It’s been a year and a half and I know people say that things slow down and that’s just the way it goes, but it’s not like that with us. We are still all over each other. We’re both Scorpio’s so the way to my heart is through the bedroom and he gets me and all the intensity that comes along. He makes me feel incredibly sexy and wanted, which I love. But I used to make me feel incredibly sexy and wanted. I have always felt sexy and powerful. Where has this feeling gone? I’ve gained weight bc I’m not eating healthy or exercising…two things I actually really enjoy doing! But I’ve been this big before and still felt desirable. The thing that has changed is that I really know what it feels like to feel better. And it’s not just that…all of the integrity of doing what I said I wanted to do…be healthy, lose weight, writing about the struggle that all people face while trying to fight the good fight myself…all of those things made me feel like I was Beyonce. I would prance around my house or my boyfriends feeling unstoppable. So that is my motivation. I want to put the spark back in the sexual relationship with myself. I want to feel hot in my clothes. I want my boyfriend to see something new, not just what he comfortably loves. When I came home today after grocery shopping for healthy food (lazy is a choice), I grabbed my laptop and put on Lemonade. I found myself instantly feeling that power that I always feel when I hear the queen. And I thought, what better time than now to reclaim my power. Talk about motivation.
I can feel it changing as we speak. Love you all.