Sooooo, right after we worked out with Sandra, we  enjoyed a lovely little Whole Foods breakfast date! Starting the day off riggggggggghhhhhht! #getitrightgetittight #ohsarathathair

Then,  I skidaddled home, hopped in the shower, packed, scooped up my sweet dad and we headed to the Beard home away from home….the beaaaaaaaaach!!!!!!! First we stopped at Trader Joe’s to stock up on healthy food!  #homerunnumbertwofortheday Nothing makes me happier than being at the beach with my family. I have been really unable to disconnect my brain from learning my new job at work and my constantly growing to do lists.  My mind races at a thousand miles per hour lately, so quiet is very hard to come by and sleeping has become a thing of the past! #manic I am really striving to create balance in my life.  I am trying to learn how to be organized and how to prioritize and my ultimate goal this year is to find a way to keep my energy a little more even. And  I don’t know, try to smile when I talk so I don’t sound like a fucking bitch when I’m overwhelmed.  I have also been feeling so guilty and frustrated with myself over gaining weight and not really being able to get my mind back in the health game. I crept all the way up to 291.8. This is what I’ve felt like since I got pneumonia in January.

Which then made me feel like this!

Which made me feel like this!

What is happening.  This is happening fast.  Am I going all the way back to the beginning.  I can’t make it to 300.  Why am I flirting with danger!?!?!?!? I am a huge believer in fake it till you make it.  But I was never really making it and I was just eating terribly and not working out that much and hoping for a miracle that wasn’t going to come before each weigh in!  It is extraordinarily hard to fake it when you are naked behind a chalk board and your weight is clearly printed on it.  The cost was beginning to add up and fast.  So I had a lot of eggs riding on this long weekend at the beach.  Last year when we came down we did amazing as you’ll remember from such posts as Two Meatballs: Memorial HEyyyyyyy #gahImfunny!  We cooked and worked out as a family every single day and I ended up losing weight.  I was so scared last year because it was my first vacation without drinking, smoking and trying not to eat every fried piece of seafood on the island.

We had so much fun and even though I’ve been in a really bad place lately I thought this would be the perfect restart.  After all we started the day off right; right?!  My dad and I have a tradition of driving to the beach together!  It used to be because we both worked Saturdays but now it’s because we both have the most flexible schedules in the fam!  I love this guy so much! WE love talking about everything and singing Led Zeppelin.  We got to the beach in the blink of an eye…because of my overly aggressive driving skills 😉 #movebitchgetoutthawayyyy and guess what the first thing we did was!? EEEEAAAAATTTTTT!  And we DID NOT make good decisions.  We shared chicken and shrimp nachos and a patty melt with fries and ranch….dammit! #firstfailoftheday  Then we checked in, got our keys and hauled our stuff up to Summer Winds!  We immediately got our bathing suits on and hit the beach!

Look at that view.  I could feel myself instantly relax and start breathing.

One win, one fail! #nipple

Then, Aunt Deb and Uncle Steve…you remember, my moms sister who is married to my dads brother #notincest invited us out to dinner!  A hell of a storm had erupted so we scurried to the car and went to The Crab Shack on the sound side.  Another terrible decision was made…softshell crab sandwich with fries and ranch!  #faileo The conversation was great.  I was completely distracted by the dark clouds rolling over the sound.  I love looking at everything and people watching.  It was nice to catch up.  Then as we were leaving it seemed like a great idea to go to DAIRY QUEEN! Holy shit, all hell has broken lose!  It was mediocre at best and I had the worst heart burn that kept me up half the night.  #servesyarightdummy Day two, we made bacon and eggs for breakfast…starting out right!  Then we hit the beach for the better part of the day.  We snacked on popcorn and pistachios #goodnotgreat and waited for mom to arrive!  She got there and we were so excited! We ended up going back to the Crab Shack bc the traffic was getting nutty.  This night I enjoyed the Scallop Burger….with fries and ranch.  Yikes.  Again, it was great and the conversation was great but my decision making capabilities were not.  Ok Day Three has to start better.  I woke up and dad and I did some circuit training…

First great decision! Then, mom and I went and got coffee at our favorite place 4J’s!

Instead of a latte, I got a black iced coffee! Great decisions number 2!  Then dad made bacon and I made eggs!  Great decision number three!

Thennnnn, Kelly showed up and we hit the beach hard! #marathontanning #tanwars #finally

Then we took a break and cooked a super healthy lunch as a family!

Yummmmm!!!!  Murdering healthy decisions!  We grilled all ready marinated pork tenderloin, roasted asparagus with panchetta,  roasted broccoli and had a carrot broccoli, cabbage slaw with a yogurt chive dip from trader joes!  Feeling so much better already.  Then we did what we do best.  We told stories, sat around and talked and died laughing!

#stevvvvvv #brothsquirts #alwayspoopstories

I actually went back on the beach with everyone until it got dark!

I usually stay in bc I’m Irish.  Then me, mom, Kelly and dad made a simple dinner of sausage, eggs, sweet potato fries with sriacha ketchup and some leftover pork!

It was so good and super easy.  Then Kelly and I stayed up all night talking!  Oh how I love the rare alone time I get with my did. #hikelly Bedtime!  The next morning the girls got coffee…dad cooked bacon, mom made eggs and we hit the beach…late start today but what a gorgeous day!

We stayed out until the late afternoon and ended up just having an early dinner of flank steak, roasted sweet potatoes, roasted cauliflower with garlic and lemon, and a squash, zucchini, onion dish that my sister makes that I swear tastes like mac and cheese…and a salad that Deb brought over!

I got wayyyyy too much sun so I was freezing after dinner and being blinded by the sun…gotta be resourceful when you aren’t at home am i right ladies?!

And honestly, can you smell me!?  I love being filthy at the beach and never showering and never putting on makeup and pickling myself with seawater!!!!  For dessert my sister makes her own Larabars and they are deeeeeeeee-licious.  These tasted like blueberry donuts!  Oh my gahhhhhh, who are we!?  So healthy!  The trip was a blast and by the end a healthy success!  The day my sister arrived we made a family pact.  We are all going to lose 10 pounds by our next family beach vacation which is the last week of June!  We all weighed, wrote down our numbers and are going to report every Saturday morning our progress until we get to the deadline!  I love another level of accountability!  I also love doing things with my family and we all do so much better when we are all on the same page.  We all also came to the conclusion that we alllllllll feel so much better when we cook, eat healthy and work out!  Imagine that!?  Why is it so hard to remember!?  Any who….we left with a great plan for June…we even started planning menus!  I love my family so much!

Monday morning we left bright and early and Kelly and I went grocery shopping so that we could have a Memorial Day Cookout and a great way to prepare some healthy meals to start the work week out right!  What’s more American than a Mexican fiesta!  And another excuse to hang out. #seperationanxiety

We grilled carne asada, spicy chicken, jalapeno sausage and pineapple.  Then we roasted sweet potato chips and had guacamole, pan roasted corn and green chilis with cumin, and caramelized peppers and onions!  Dad kept saying…it’s the perfect combination…I love everything on my plate! Kelly and I still had not showered!

Honestly you guys, the bottoms of my feet were jet black #dirtybird #overit We even got to play with the kids!

Overall, what an amazing and much needed break from Raleigh, time with my precious family and finally recommitting to my new life.  It is so hard not to beat yourself up for gaining weight.  But it has also given me time to reflect.  My life really has changed.  It’s been over a year and I am still down from when I started this weight loss adventure.  No matter what ups and downs we’ve had we still work out with Sandra and we are still committed to the change and our end result.  I thought to myself the other day, how many times are you going to restart this.  And I had a moment of clarity and answered myself with…as many times as it takes.  There is no time line on this journey.  My hope is that I find myself back at a place where there are more good days than bad, and that I find ways to be active all the time.  I love cooking.  I love goals.  I love my other meatball. I love my family and all of you who read our story.  This is going to happen.  Crossed out last line.  This is happening!  You know I love a before and after…so here are some last year to this year pics.  It’s only about a 10-15 pound difference but it makes me feel better!

I can really see the difference in my face from last year!

And while I was at the beach, Facebook showed me a memory from 4 years before!  That difference feels huge!

Progress!  It feels great to be moving in the right direction and for the scale to be going back down.  For the first time since January, I can’t wait for weigh in! Xoxo