eating your feelings

Two Meatballs: Oh Snow You Didn’t!!!! (aka the 12th Weigh In)

Can y’all believe it’s our 12th weigh in?! We really let ourselves go this month…

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So let’s just jump right in the deep end.  Jenny, you’re up bunny!

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I feeeeeel faaaaaat!!!!  Not really, but I don’t feel proud.  I have a lot of excuses for why I got here but the bottom line is I ate a lot of shit. It was so easy and I loved it for a brief moment, but looking at these pictures right now…I hate it!  My body feels different.  I haven’t seen Sandra in a month.  It’s crazy how I felt so much better about myself 4 weeks ago…that is such a short amount of time.  I’ve been so disconnected from Sara, we have the busiest schedules, we did’t cook at all this month.  I literally didn’t do anything right this month.  Well, actually I that’s not entirely true.  I worked out at least 2 to 3 days a week and completed a 5k this month.  It just goes to show you though when it’s not all working, it just doesn’t work.  Diet is a huge part of my success.  I’m still really happy though, I love this journey. I still feel very committed. And I’m excited to not feel like this ever again.  My family has been amazing.  I love Sara…I hope we can be together more this month.  It’s just a minor setback! Love you guys!

 

Alright Sara…you’re up Kitty!

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Ugggggg….I don’t like excuses…but here they are! haha  I know exactly how I got into this situation.  Between pneumonia and being put on steroids, extreme exhaustion, snowmagedon and my super best buddy, Gigi’s death…food became the hug I wanted.  I spent an entire month without having the energy to exercise. Survival mode kicked in and instead of fueling my body with things that would have made me feel physically better I chose things that made my emotions feel better, but they were all conscious decisions that I made.  The guilt, the grief and the exhaustion were crushing and for whatever reason food made me feel temporarily better and became my new/old routine. I gained 11 motherfucking pounds. Last time I was on steroids I gained 20 pounds so I’m thankful that I didn’t go that far!  I don’t feel defeated, juuuuuuuuuust disappointed!  I think I will always find comfort in food, but my hope is that the amount of time I stay in the comfort will continue to become less and less.  I had a very human month.  I do not enjoy losing weight that I have already lost.  Conversely, I don’t enjoy dwelling on the past, and that is precisely what February is now…the past.  I am allowed to rewrite my story at any time.  This is a bump.  I am not striving for perfection, I’m striving for progress. #shakeitoff #literallyyoucouldburnsomecalories This isn’t the story I expected to write but it is exactly what happened.  I’m so looking forward to March and spring. This month, I’m going to the gym and cooking my own food. #backtobasics #hittherestartbutton Thank you all again for the support you give us.  We really need it!!!  Love you all.  Jenny, this is our month!  We deserve to continue on the path to health and I’m so glad I get to do it with you. Xo

 

Now, how did we get ourselves in this chubby boat?!

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First…we both got sick and a little bed ridden!

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Then we literally fed our inner children and comfort binged…

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Ohhhhh, the belly aches and the regretttttt!!!!

 

 

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And the cold weather called us to snuggle on the couch and be lazy and watch endless hours of tv!

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All the dramatic facial expressions and laughter in the world couldn’t burn the calories that we consumed!  So what are Two Meatballs going to do to fix this?!

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Let’s get physical! Fancy meeting you here!

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Outfit change!

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We’ve made a pact and we’re going to get serious again!

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We are going to hit the gym so hard!

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And bye bye cake pops!

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Thanks for shooting us Kelly! We love you soon much. Your support means the world and you take such pretty pictures of us!!! #fanclubpresident

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Hang in there with us and don’t give up hope!  Tomorrow is a new day and we have found our motivation.  This is the half way mark for both of us and we have no intention of ever turning back.  We will reach our goals and have so much fun while doing it!!!!  I keep jokingly asking Jenny is she wants to start a blog where we get healthy! Hahahahahahah We love y’all!!!! Xoxo

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And just for our own motivation here is a look at the beginning to now!

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And as always…here are the outtakes!!! #ineedyoutosmellgoodformepleaeshower #deoderantisamust #shouldwedresslikekids!?  #innerchildwinsagain #Marachinocherriesmakemedryheave #iliterallychokedonwhippedcream #thaticecreamwasgoodashell #shouldiwearthissweater #youlooklikeagreandma #youlooklikeacleaninglady #shouldiwearthis?! #NOOOOOOO #okthen #saranadjennymakethesamface #ihurtmyback #whatthehellisuppwarddog #canyoutellimnotplanking #faaaaaaat #sarayourentirebuttisoutisthatwhatyouaregoingfor #chrisfarley #timetogetbackontrack #loveyoukellly #dancepartytime #themostcaloriesiverburnedallmonth #lastmonthlookedsomuchbetter #backinthegame #whippedcreambeardfail #chocolateteethrevisted

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We love you guys so much!  Fingers crossed for better results next month! Xoxo Tune in to see Brandon’s results this week!

 

Two Meatballs: What Would Carrie Bradshaw Do?!

You can feel it from a mile away but it’s ironically a TOTAL surprise.  The texts stop coming in as frequently…you’re not planning future dates anymore. You actually sweetly think that YOU are going to break up with HIM because you find yourself wanting more.  Then Saturday night rolls around and you get the 2014 equivalent of the Carrie Bradshaw Sex and the City post it note break up!

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A fucking break up text!!! Annnnnd you are mostly surprised by how much it stings after only three months

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but also relieved that its over because the distance and rejection over the last week  felt reallllllly shitty.  Being sober I have had oh so many revelations.  One of the biggest ones was how unknowingly unsupportive I was of my girlfriends during break ups!  I always had the mentality of why would you want to be with someone that doesn’t want to be with you.  I still feel like that, but I didn’t realize that all you want is for someone to make you feel better!  And I don’t know about you, but bashing him doesn’t make me feel better. I don’t need to turn this into anger to get pumped up to move on.  So to all my girlfriends and family members…my bad!!!! I really honestly just didn’t know.  I thought my logic and pointing out all the other persons short comings would make you feel better but it really just makes you feel worse. It feels strange at 31 to say that this is my first time being dumped!  #babysfirstheartbreak For the last decade I did anything I could to keep men at an arms length…only engaging in physical relationships. I was a drunk mess and I didn’t want to be judged or make myself vulnerable. So, when I decided to stop drinking I also decided to give a relationship a go…and I found out sooooo much.  I’m the living worst communicator!  Who knew the girl with the blog would suck so terribly at stating my own needs!  I realized that I love being in a relationship…after the first month of longing to be single bc its what I had known forever and what was comfortable.  I share my space well and I love really getting to know someone.  I love going on fun dates and doing nice things for someone I care about.  It was totally worth putting myself out there to learn how much I like being a part of something . So, I’m walking away with the knowledge that  I am totally capable of being emotionally intimate in a real grown up relationship, I could for sure work on communicating better, I can handle being broken up with with my self esteem in tact, especially when I know it’s the best thing and ultimately I have no regrets. #grown?!

 

Now, having said all of that…I can’t deny that this was really sad!!!! We never even talked about it…it just eneded…through technology!  But honestly I can’t think of a thing that would have made it better or less awkward.  Another thing that I have learned from being sober is that I am capable of feeling more emotions that just happiness and anger.  I am a very logical person when it comes to these situations.  I wanted more, he wanted less or more with someone else.  That can’t work.  My brain knows alllll of that but with no substance abuse coping mechanism

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…I spent some time on the phone with my sister and Katie bawling…saw my parents and cried some more #whoamI?!

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By the way I have the greatest people in my life ON EARTH!  I’m so thankful everyday.  The few people who knew really wanted to comfort me and I couldn’t thank them more! #theyknowmesowell

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And some time on my couch with my  tissues and favorite meatball were all necessary.  It was time to lick my wounds.  I love my little support system. But what’s next…

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“I couldn’t help but think…(did you see what I did there Nichole LuMaye!?)…What would Carrie Bradshaw do!? Retail Therapy!?

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Jenny came to my happy place last week…the beach!  So this week she took me to hers…the mall!!!

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You guys, retail therapy, especially with your best friend is a thing and it feels amazing.  First stop…MAC for a new fall lip!

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Then we went to H&M and Forever 21 and we both found so many fall looks!

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Then we went to Target for more clothes…and laughs #thankyuoforbeingafriendtraveleddowntheroadandbackagain #goldengirlssweatshirt #tootinycroptops #jennyisazombie

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Being with this girl makes me feel so much better!!!  We love trying on the ugliest stuff and who needs a dressing room am I right ladies!?!  But we did find some total gems.  But then what…comfort eat!?

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So, we had dinner at my favorite place…Coquette!  It was the most romantic dinner two little meatballs could ask for.  It was also one of our two monthly cheat nights….it was heaven!  Then we got a french silk blizzard from Dairy Queen #shame but it was the coldest little hug of yumminess!  But most of all  to feel better, I think Carrie would write about it…

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Writing down how you feel is such a cathartic thing…a total release.  Getting all of this out and then reading it back to yourself helps you process everything that happened and gives you such amazing perspective and peace.  I know that this has very little to do with paleo or workouts with a trainer but this is a little bump in my journey that I’m not going to let spiral out.  I have today to cry and then I’m moving on.  It was really hard to actually feel my feelings instead of turning to something else to make them go away.  It is ok to feel sad…but don’t wallow and know when to get out.

So in closing…a break up is sad but its also what is meant to be!  I’m choosing to walk away with fond memories and a better knowledge of what I want in the future.  Love you guys so much and thanks for the inspiration…turns out I’m a Carrie.

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