Hello world!!!  Sara here! What a week since we last spoke!!!  I taught another round of Color Boot Camp at Sammie Cole with Carolyn, Libby, Morgan and Silvi!

This is a two day intensive, immersive head first dive in to the world of color…my favorite!  Coloring hair is my spirit animal!!!

As you can see! #ablondeabrunetteandaredheadfallinlove #himegandlila #imgoingtotextaboutthedinneryogaextractionsdate #ipromise

I just love watching the light bulbs go off!!!  I also got the be a model again…all my blonde dreams come true, thanks Carolyn!

Then it was Valentine’s Day!  I got to hang out with my sweet clients…

and my team that I love so much!!! And I love a day devoted to love!

#hellyes #hiIsabella

My boyfriend and I had to celebrate early this year.  But he came through on my new found love of acts of service…and words of affirmation…and quality time…and physical touch! #hemakesmybed #somethingineverdoformyself

Ugh I love him! #bennybooboobear #tbt

I also did a lot of cooking this week!  I am really understanding the importance of being prepared annnnd keeping myself excited with what is next.  My clients keep telling me I should start a cooking service for people to eat healthy…intriguing!

This week for breakfast I switched up my routine and had a “cereal” which consisted of granny smith apples, 1/2 banana, cashews, almonds, unsweetened shredded coconut, almond butter drizzle, cinnamon and almond coconut milk! So delish and a much needed change of pace.  Lord knows what will happen if I get bored haha. I also made a new batch of waffles and this time I omitted (aka forgot) the honey…and I love them so much more now!  I am a savory girl.  I’m thinking about doing green onions, chives, shallots and a little bit of garlic in my next batch!

For lunches and dinners I had some oldie but goodies and some new favorites!

My mom has been coming through once a week and giving me something that they have made and I’ve been having my family over a lot for meals!  I love the exchange annnnnnnd the time together!  This week she brought taco chicken which I ate with all the avocados!  I also had egg roll in a bowl, some concoction with hot dogs since Whole Foods was out of chicken sausage (this was a fail!!!!) and then I did paleo burrito bowl which I’ve had a few times now, but I did it with carrot rice instead of cauliflower and guyyyyyys…GAME CHANGER! Carrot rice is so good!  I tried Siete’s grain free tortilla’s this weekend too….delicious and nutritious.  It felt nice to eat an actual taco/burrito (what’s coming out of your speedo!?)  And the last little slice of heaven that I made this weekend was a Tuscan chicken spaghetti squash bake.  This was life.  It legit tastes like pizza!!!!

After acupuncture on Saturday, my mom, who I love so much, offered to help me tackle the black hole that is my front closet…

If you’ll remember from last week (really like two weeks ago now) I needed my craft box, so I destroyed my house #lifeofa4…we had our work cut out for us.  I am so grateful for my support system.  I can feel that they really want me to get healthy (and stay healthy this time)  and they are all, all in! I could cry forever thinking about how good I have it and the people who lift me up.  I love love!!!!!!!!!!  I’m so grateful for my family, friends and team!!! I also love that every time I really start eating healthy and wanting to move my body more, there is also a part of me that says, we’ve got to purge everything in your house!  And girl, I’m down! So after lots of fantasizing about how we would makeover our houses and looking up crafting class and drinking coffee and snuggling on the couch and cooking lunch and dinner (mom and I are cut from the same cloth, procrastinator/dreamers for life)  and started a new side project of framing and hanging my adorable cards

Aren’t they the cutest!!! Then…we finally tackled that damn closet! #exhaustedalready #jk #butreally

3 Goodwill bags and 4 bags of trash later and it’s gorgeous!  We also cleaned out my laundry area!

I can’t wait to keep this up…continue the purge!  I think I am finally learning that, like my health, cleaning out isn’t a one time thing.  You have to keep taking things out of your house (body) if you keep brining things in (which I’m like really good at #shebeshopping #alloftheboxesonmyfrontporch) And lately, I have had this huge desire to grow up my space downstairs.  I have a quirky, eccentric townhome.  It is full of dead doll chandeliers, a pink cuckoo clock, a mannequin head dressed like a unicorn, life size plaster pigs, my grandma’s old rotary phone, hot pink bathrooms and all of the weird art you sweet heart could ever desire!

And don’t get me wrong…I love my stuff and I will always be weird! Buuuuuuut, I’m tired of looking at the same space everyday.  I am feeling the need for new #grownandsexy I’ve been Pinteresting up a storm, so you know it’s serious!  I really want to paint my living room pink and do a lot of neutrals and grays and GOLLLLLD! And I need more prints in my life and wallpaper!  Here is a look book!

Now that I have the aesthetic, I need to work on the budget!  But I can feel that nervous excitement in my belly for change!  Time to keep purging to make room for all the gorgeous changes to come.  I’ll keep you posted!  Until next week…

Xoxo

Look at alllllllllll that glitter!!!  #tbt

Hello everyone!!!  Sara here!  Y’all I have been cooking up a storm and leaving a mess in my wake!  But I have been making the living best stuff!  Last week ended on a high note with an enchilada bake…the leftovers were even better!

Then I made a chicken alfredo “pasta” or squashta as I like to call it!

This right here…this right HERE…was so flippin good!  It was savory, and casserole like and so comfy in this freezing cold weather!  I ate it for dinner, for breakfast, for lunch and I am for sure going to make it for Thanksgiving!

Then B came over and we ate the squashta for dinner and then we made Korean beef together….IT WAS SO GOOD and I can’t explain enough how easy it was to make! I just love cooking with my boo.  And you guys, Acts of Service is my 4th out of 5 love languages, but after I left for work the next morning, B unloaded the dishwasher, reloaded the dishwasher, took out my recycling and MADE MY BED!!!! Oh my gosh, I need to retake the test, bc I have never been more turned on or more in love! HA!

This recipe is on Pinterest but the first two I found on Instagram!  I follow Whole 30 recipes and they are forever putting up great looking and tasting food.  I have the Whole 30 cookbook, but it can get a little boring and I know it is blasphemous to say this…but so bland! #rightchelsea!? It is so fun cooking and I feel like everyone at work is in to healthy eating right now so it has been fun to try each others food!

This week also marked my sister Kelly’s actual birthday!  The one and only Kelly Courtney Beard, turned 40 this week and I bombarded social media with all the cutest pic of my sweet sis!

I feel like bursting in to tears every time I think of how much I love my sister!!!  And somebody look at how AHHHHH-DORABLE we all were!  And I just can’t get enough of these two!

Our Aunt Deb and Uncle Steve were in town and staying with our parents so we all went out to dinner for Kelly’s birthday at Firebirds and had a ball!

We did a selfie circle and it was hilarious!  I ordered the spinach salad without the stuff I couldn’t have and got the most reasonable dressing (green goddess) since I forgot mine and topped it off with steak!

Deee-licious! We laughed and ate and talked and snuggled and celebrated Kelly!

I ate the hell of out my leftovers for breakfast the next morning!  I ate all my steak so I added chicken sausage and my Whole 30 approved dressing!

After work Jenny came over and we had an afternoon tea!  Except I made coffee and sweet potato waffles with ghee instead of tea and crumpets!

It was so good and even though we didn’t get to hang out for very long, I cherish any moment I get with my favorite meatball!

Ugh I love her!  It’s a good thing I fueled up and that Jenny had to go bc I had a big project ahead of me!  About a week before I reached out to as many people as I could think of to write a birthday letter for Kelly.  Kelly loves a letter, so what better gift than compiling a million personal letters for her 40th!  Now the title is going to start making more sense.  So, I had received all the letters, gathered the pictures, ordered the book they would go in, got the envelopes to place the letters in, got beautiful Sharpies to write with…I sound so organized and prepared right?!  Let me tell you what happens when I do anything.  I have 1,000’s of thoughts that swirl through my head at rapid speeds.  So when I start doing something I think…hmmm, I should get my craft box out, don’t want to miss out on an opportunity to make this gorgeous.  Then I think, where is my craft box, then I think oh yeah, the front closet, then I open the front closet and there is an insane amount of shit between me and my destiny.  Then I think, fuck this shit, I need my craft box and I start ripping everything out of the closet (which is my catchall) until finally I can see the light…I also find an unopened Amazon box, a christmas present I never gave to Chase, my missing mittens and literally everything I have ever been missing!

One idea leads to another which leads to another which results in this hot mess!  I try to tell myself that it is just my creative brain.  I spent way too long on this, so I reigned myself back in and got started!!!  I love starting an arts and crafts project!  I love letting all of my ideas come to fruition. But more than anything, I love my sister so much and reading all of these letters from people who also ADORE her had me straight up bawling my eyes out (like sorry about all the tears on the pages of this book I made!)  Before I knew it I had made another huge mess…

Annnd maybe the best thing I’ve ever made! I have always LOVED writing books for my family!  Imagine that!

The plan was to give the book to Kelly on Superbowl Sunday, but as you read last week, Chase got the flu…then Kelly!  So our party was cancelled.  But we finally rescheduled when everyone was feeling better.  It was really a blessing that my deadline got extended (not that my family for the flu!) because so many more letters came in.  So, to everyone who shared their beautiful thoughts, memories and well wishes with my sister, thank you so much!!!  It was incredible to see her, someone I’ve known and looked up to my whole life, through other people’s eyes.  I think it will make us even closer and I didn’t know that was possible!  I made a big pan of chicken chow mien and showed up at Kelly’s.  I felt like I was going to barf…I was so ready for my sister to bathe in all this love.  And let me tell you something…we all had all the feels.

Me and mom couldn’t stop crying!

Dad was comfort eating!

40 people wrote letters!!!  My sister is so loved by so many.  This book was worth ripping my house apart and mildly harassing her friends, family and co-workers.  We had so much fun reading and laughing and crying, eating the best dinner if I do say so myself…

Then we watched Roseanne and Seinfeld bloopers and that one Drew Carey show with all the farting!  The kids were bored out of their minds, but the OG Beards had a ball.  Lesson learned…leave nothing unsaid.  All the wonderful things you think about a person, tell them.  It literally means the world.  Also, always say yes to family time.  And finally, who cares about a clean house when you can make people feel good!?!  I love you all!!!  Until next time. Xoxo

Hi everyone!!!  Sara here!  This weekend I got to snuggle with my not so little nephew, Wyatt!!!

Somebody look how grown!!!

His little brother got the flu (Love you Chasey Poo) so we had an extended stay  and we both LOVVVVVVVED it!  I remember the moment I saw Wyatt in his little hospital tupperware bin, I burst in to tears and the drama hasn’t quit since!  Wyatt is my spirit animal, he is my soulmate. The adventures me and this kid have been on are some of my favorite times of life.  He loves a sleepover (meeee too), he loves to try new foods, even if they’re gross.  We get so tickled together, we talk all night, we plan our next great adventure….we can’t get enough of each other…we even have our own hashtag #adventuresofWoMo So on this sleepover extravaganza Wyatt decided he wanted to cook!  Which I love!!!!!!!!!!!!!  So we picked out a recipe…chicken chow mein, came up with a budget and grocery list and did the damn thing.  We even got some flowers!  Then we got home and cooked our hearts out.    I had him taste each ingredient before we cooked (except the chicken ,we all know how I feel about salmonella!) so that he can start deciding what he likes!

I mean, can you even get over how grown up he is!?!?  I know I can’t…we are the same height!!!!!!!!!!!

Before you knew it, dinner was cooked and I hadn’t even burnt anything too bad from not reading directions!

 

It was delish you guys!  And so fun to do something healthy together!

We needed an after dinner drink so we opted for a cold matcha latte!

Then we got super invested into Kid’s Baking Championship and we fell in love with a sweet boy named Cody.  Three episodes later ***SPOILER ALERT COMING***Cody get the ax.  I found myself getting teary so I look ever and Wyatt is adorably bawling!  So then we start hysterically laughing, while still bawling and he starts saying the most dramatic shit I’ve ever heard…like RIP Cody and he’s dead; we’ll never see him again! Which only sends us deeper in to glass case of emotion.

I’ve literally never laughed or cried harder…we called Kelly and it was a 20 minute phone call of laughter.  My boo!!!!!  Then we snuggled up and watched Worst Cooks in America.

Then the drama continued.  This kid literally spilled every liquid in my house on to the floor!  This is him wiping up his third spill (1st flowers in a vase, 2nd his dinner Italian soda, 3rd his Matcha Latte…almost immediately!

But that lucky little nut didn’t break a thing!  Then we went to bed and woke up stupid early.  That is when we found out Chase had the flu and we decided spending another day together was our best option….and dream come true!  I had A LOT to do this day!  So Wyatt came to work with me.  I told him I would set him up a little corner to iPad it up but he wanted to help Mo (I love him)!

And this angel wanted to really understand how things worked!  He also got so excited when someone beat their week!  He wanted for people to know he thought they were doing awesome so he asked to take this pic!

Two hours flew by and all the sudden it was lunch time.  We spent the rest of our budget to grab all the ingredients we would need for egg roll in a bowl.  Spoiler alert, he loved it!

The day flew and then it was time for me to drop my twinnie off at Nanney and Paw Paw’s for another quarantined night.  Wyatt, I love you so much.  I hope that we are always this close and that the adventures never end.  Kelly, thank you for having children!!!!  You made me an aunt and I’ve never loved a title more.  And Chase, don’t ever think I don’t love you every bit as much as I love your brother!!! Lesson learned, say yes to family time!!!  I love you all so much!!!!!!!!!!  Until next week!

Hello my loves!  Sara here.  That quote, “Grow Old With Me, The Best is Yet to Be” always hung over my Grandma Apples bed and I always loved it.  I have so many people in my life that I love growing older and getting better with!!! (More on the Old part of that quote coming up #spoiler) Jenny and I have been busy buzzy little bees lately and it has been so fun.  Last weekend we had our annual Samuel Cole Salon holiday gala, The Bobies and it was the best one yet!!!

We were each others dates so you know it was fun!!!!  It is so nice to get to hang out with everyone, celebrate our team and the great year we’ve had…and who doesn’t love a photo booth!?  Also, we  ate sooooo healthy!

I even had a soothing tea after dinner….man times have changed! #usedtoalwaysbethedrunkestgalintheroom We stayed out and up so late that Jenny spent the night #alwaysmydream and we ended up staying up until 2 and getting up at 8. #haveitoldyouthatineed8hoursofsleep  That was the morning that I came to the realization that I am getting old!!!  It happened gradually, then suddenly. #fierceconversations  I woke up feeling so incredibly hungover even though I didn’t drink, nor did I eat anything that bothers me!  Sleep deprivation is my new hangover. #sober At 35 (I know everyone over the age of 35 is intensely rolling their eyes right now…I get it) and I have 1,000 grey hairs, deep smile lines and my skin has never been dryer!  My body was so sore from the night before, I felt like I got hit by a truck…we both had a hard time getting started that morning.  I felt like I couldn’t eat enough food!  I didn’t eat anything I shouldn’t, I just ate every healthy thing in sight.  My body needed fuel.  The kids were coming over later so that my sister could go to a birthday party and I kept thinking, get it together Beard!  I ordered InstaCart to set myself up for success…since I had no more food in the house!

I went to town on those grain free tortilla chips!  I drank ALLLLLLLL of the water.  And I did some serious thinking about cooking.  But I just couldn’t get there.  All of the sudden it was 4 and the kids came barreling in!  I hadn’t moved from my spot on the couch!  I was in a crazy dazy place.  Thank goodness these kids love to chill!  So I ordered Chipotle since I had accomplished zero cooking and we snuggled like muggles!

We had a ball #sotickled, but I desperately wanted to go to bed!   Kelly picked them up a little later, I wrote last weeks blog and then passed out…without prepping any food for the next very busy day at work.  I also didn’t do laundry so I had to go shopping in my closet..thank goodness I found this cute dress because Monday morning I had to go in early and set up for a class with the one and only, Mark DeBolt!!!

Mark is a salon favorite and his class was everything!!!  Jenny and I sat together and soaked up all of his knowledge.  He even highlighted my hair (no better way to feel younger than a brighter blonde by the master himself)…I could die it’s so beautiful!  Thank you Mark, I miss you so much already!!! The day flew by.  Super grateful that lunch was catered by Mami Nora’s so that I could eat healthy even though I wasn’t on my game. After everyone ate there were some leftovers, so I put them in a tupperware container for the next day, just in case I didn’t follow through with cooking that night #spolier #ididnt!  My  sweet parents must have known I was in need, bc mom invited me over for breakfast for dinner that night! #hallelujah

It’s always so nice to get to hang out with my parents…I love them so much!!!  Mom sent me home with 2 sweet potato waffles since I was completely out.  This plus my leftovers would get me through the next day.  So one more day without cooking or laundry…still draggin ass. Finally I got my life together Tuesday night and got in the damn kitchen.  So as not to overwhelm myself, I just did two things.

I made a package of bacon so that I had easy to grab breakfast option.  I also made @nomnompaleo Double Umami Stir Fry Mushrooms and I added Chicken Sausage and Spinach…so f-ing good!  It felt so good to feel productive again.  And I didn’t overwhelm myself.  For the next three nights I took on small projects.  Wednesday night was all about @nomnompaleo Spicy Tuna Cakes! These were delicious but I really started multi tasking (I was also making sweet potato waffles) and I ended up with a mash!

Still good, but my lack of focus left me with this…

A messy little kitchen that I did not clean…like at all!!! I just couldn’t seem to get my energy back and making healthy food seemed more important that a nice house.  So my sweet little home was a mess for a little while.#whocaresliveyourlife  But by Thursday night, bae came over and we made Paleo Burrito Bowls (Thanks Chelsea!!!), I cooked and he cleaned the kitchen (my least favorite thing to do on earth…I love him squeeee)!

It was delish and I’m glad that B and I have been cooking together and it was so nice to have a clean house again!

I never really felt like I got ahead last week and I hate feeling like I’m just surviving!  You just can’t catch up on sleep. But I made sure I saw all of my restorative people (my chiropractor, structural integratist, acupuncturist) bc I knew I had another busy weekend coming full of all the people I love!   I managed to squeeze in my taxes after work. Then, Friday night brought a birthday celebration for my beautiful, amazing, funny, loving, full of life and laughter…best sister Kelly!!!  And we had the funnest group;  Kelly and I have always had an overlapping friends group!

We went to the living best restaurant So.Ca in Cameron Village!!!  Kelly, Kristina, Katie, Krista, Jenny and myself had so much fun celebrating the birthday and eating our hearts out! This place was super accommodating to my food needs and it was so good!

We laughed so much and it was great to all be together.  It makes me want to start a Supper Club with my #wolfpack ! Happy birthday Kelly, can’t wait to keep celebrating your birth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #hikelly #w*&%$dolphin #auras #spiritanimals #mybestiekatieisintown

It was also great for another reason, Jenny and I got to spend two weekends in a row together #allmydreamscomingtrueagain

I spent Saturday getting my car inspected and then with my mom… we made lunch and lattes together!

All the mushrooms!!! Then Saturday night The Beards went to celebrate Farmer Joe (My lifelong bestie, sea foam friend, Katie’s little brother) and to reunite with The Tedrows and all the wonderful people who know them!  You may remember Joe from Two Meatballs: Nobody Skips to a Cockfight where we toured his then farm!!!  Joe turned 30 (another reason to feel old hahaha) and it was a great night celebrating him!

I love a reunion!  Happy birthday Joe!!!

I got home at a decent time last night and really slept!  I got up this morning and starting cooking!!!  I invited my parents over for brunch and I had to get started!  As you can gather, I’m a hot mess when it comes to cooking…it always tastes great but the mess I make and the failed multitasking slows me down!!!  On the menu today, a Beef Enchilada Bake from Whole 30 Recipes on Instagram!!!

I even made my own sour cream out of coconut milk, lemon juice and apple cider vinegar!  My house smelled so good and it was delicious!  And if you haven’t noticed yet…I love my family!  It makes my heart so happy to cook for and feed the ones I love so dear.  Now I have spent the rest of the day, stone cold chillin.  I sent some work emails, stayed in my pajamas all day, ate snacks and made some tuna for dinner!

I am feeling so much better…in every way imaginable.  I have learned that sleep is so important to me.  I have also learned that I can stay on track without further exhausting myself.  And that I can be good outside of my own home.  Whenever I start something new I tend to isolate myself a little.  I want to guarantee that I will be good so I have a tendency to avoid social settings.  But I love my people and I am always happy to find the balance!  Can’t wait to start a new week and try some more new recipes! And figure out when I’m ever going to work out again!  Until next time!!! Love y’all to the moon and back.

Hiiiiiiiii!  Sara here!!!  I’ve got to say it, I’m feeling really good!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I have had so many false starts since my last, lasting stint into a healthy lifestyle.  And that can feel so defeating…and by can I mean, I felt TOTALLY DEFEATED!  As you know, I have to really want something to actually make moves and make it happen.  Jenny and I were talking the other night and we both need for things to feel different this time around.  We don’t want to find ourselves going down a failed path again.

As I’ve said, I’ve had many epiphanies this go round, today we will focus on this one! I realized that I have to do some things on my own this time. #codependent I must have been a twin in a past life bc I LIVE to do things together.  I have always been like this. I want to hold hands and wear the same outfit and drive together even if it makes no sense, I love working with a team and being involved with the process as a group. Everything is more fun together in my mind.

One of the many things that I admire about Jenny is she’ll just do things.  At work I am Janey on the spot, but in my personal life, especially when related to my health-in place of action, I ponder deeply about something before I move to action, especially something I don’t want to do. #defensemechanism Not Jenny!!!  When we were being good, she would change in to gym clothes every single Tuesday after work…and then go to the gym!!!!!!!  Can you imagine?!  I have never been good about working out after work, that is not where my discipline lives.  She would also just decide one day when we weren’t doing good to start eating healthy…like that day…and she would!  She didn’t need me to jump start her, but I recently came to realize that I had really been relying on her big time for motivation and accountability; more specifically when it came to working out.  Some might say I was depending heavily on her. I simply did not want to do things by myself.  I am a pretty outgoing person, but the older /more sober I’ve gotten,  I get slight social anxiety in certain settings (i.e. the gym, anywhere new), so having a partner in crime always makes me feel more comfy.

So, this go round, I am making myself do more things solo because if you want things to change, you have to change things, right!?! In my fantasy world, Jenny and I get to spend all the time together.  In my reality world, we both have full time careers, doing what we were meant to do.  She is married with two little girls. I keep my plate full.  This does not leave us a ton of time to be together.  Her and I were talking this morning and I don’t know how we did 5 posts a week before!!!  We were insane.   I got in to the bad habit over the past two years while we were trying to find our way back, of just not starting things (grocery shopping, eating healthy, cooking, working out…you know the important stuff) bc we couldn’t do these things together.  This was a totally cop out and also it was such a convenient excuse.  I knew that if I was going to make this a lifestyle change as everyone is always calling it, I would have to reframe what getting healthy looked like to me.  We will always be Two Meatballs Get(ting) Fit, and I will always still greatly desire to occupy as much of Jenny’s time as I can, but this One Meatball needed to push herself right out the door and to the gym, even if it meant going Da da daaaaaaah, alone.  I had been eating healthy since early December and I kept thinking about the gym.  Jenny and I had made a couple of dates to go together, but for one reason or another we had both cancelled.  What was I waiting for!?!? I needed to prove to myself that I could do it without anyone holding my hand…and guess what guys?!  I did it!!!

I was a little nervous.  I’m 35 so you’d think I’d have this independence thing down by now, and in lots of ways I do…but it had been so long since I had been to the gym, much less BY MYSELF!  But I put on the cutest outfit I had that still fit, found my sneakers and finally made a grand entrance at the new gym I’ve been paying for for 6 months. And guess what…it felt great!  I didn’t overdo it, but I pushed myself.  I could feel that tiny little seed of pride in the pit of my belly growing. And for once I just let it be that…being proud of myself without immediately thinking, “You should have been doing this all along!”  I can be so judgy to me! I stayed for 35 minutes and really felt glowy!

#lookatthemcheeks And now, building up my independent confidence has allowed Jenny and I time to actually be together and hang out, without looming responsibilities.  If I can grocery shop, cook and work out MOSTLY on my own, that frees up so much time for Jenny and I, sans tasks. This past weekend, one of my longtime dreams came true.  Before when we would cook for the blog, we would be rushed and never actually get to eat the meal. So Saturday night, Jenny came over after work and I cooked her dinner…and we ate it together!  I made a mushroom and bok choy stir fry with chicken sausage and a sweet potato waffle with a fried egg and spicy mustard.  It was delish if I do say so myself!!! Cooking for others should be a love language because nothing makes me happier…besides physical touch #iloveaffection! What a fun date!

Look at us…Bloggers be bloggin, always trying to get the perfect picture!  Jenny and I had the best time together.  I love when we get to get deep and silly and everything in between!  I made her my new coffee obsession!

And she loved it!!!  We ate a healthy meal, spent all the time together, laughed for days and all with no pressure…it was the best!  We both feel much more calm this time around.  Probably bc my self induced stress level has been let go! Love you Jenny! Can’t wait to do it again!

The next thing on my list of self solo starting was FINALLY using my Veggie Bullet!  I bought it ages ago when I thought I would be cooking more and it has been taking up space in my kitchen and collecting dust ever since!  I downloaded the Nom Nom Paleo app a million years ago (I was really on top of shopping a million years ago #shebeshoppin) as well and I rediscovered how awesome she is!  I decided to make Chow Mein Chicken and saw this as the perfect excuse to use the Bullet.  First I had to figure out how to put it together.  I don’t know if you know this about me…but I have a hard time following instructions, so let’s just say…it took a LONG time to get it here…but boom!

This my friends is an amazing machine…it slices and dices, but wait there’s more…it spiralizes!!!!  Once I got it put together and working…I sliced two onions in like 30 seconds…and look Ma, no tears!  I hate cutting onions!!!!  So this was my dream.  I then washed it in the dishwasher and it doesn’t work anymore.  Fuck!  Hopefully I didn’t ruin it forever, but initially this was one more giant step to figuring out how to do things on my own! (part fail part win). Somebody look at this delicious chow mein!!!!

It was to die for and smelled so flipping good.  I’m taking things one day at a time.  Reminding myself that I have so much to be thankful for and not treating my health as a battle to arm myself for. My path to health is  a pleasure I get to partake in.  I have to pleasure of treating my body, mind and spirit with love and patience.  I can gently heal the damage I have done and move forward open to all of the lessons and I can do it all with kindness to myself and others who are on a similar journey.  If you are like me and struggle to do things on your own,  you are not alone!!!  We can do this…I’ll codependentily be there in spirit cheering you on!

Xoxo,

Sara

 

Hello again, Sara here.  Today I want to dive headfirst in to the most useless yet harmful feeling in my spice rack of feelings…shame.

Even as I type it, I feel it.  It is an insidious word that sounds exactly like it feels.  Disappointment, regret, jealousy, failure or anger…although not super positive feelings can all motivate me to make a change that I need to make or to at least take a hard look at myself. This may sound familiar, this ins’t our first rodeo on the topic as you’ll read.

But there is something about SHAME that sucks you into a deep, dark, cavernous, insurmountable hole that swallows you up while you wallow in self doubt…or it can be as subtle as making you question your every move.  Everyone has a moment or series of moments in our lives where we have felt ashamed, some of us deeply. But if you know me, or have read this blog, you’ll know that previously, that was not a feeling I readily acknowledged in myself.  I adorably wrote about how damaging it was to feel shame, writing it almost as if it were a choice that people decided to feel and one that I had moved past, deciding to rise above if you will! #ughsara #hahasweetgirl You guyssss, it is really interesting having a blog!

Writing things down in different stages of your life…publishing them for the world to see, growing, changing, going back and rereading your own words and wanting to take a DeLorean back to the past and yell in your own face, “GIRL, YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT!!!”

But, I’m not here to beat myself up!

I’ve always had the best of intentions with this blog and you can’t put an old head on young shoulders.  Everything that I wrote in the past on this subject came from a sweet place of wanting people to accept their bodies.  My positivity is so high and I see everyones potential and I hated to see people holding themselves back from whatever they wanted to do or be.  I was only seeing shame as a way that people felt about their bodies. But I just hadn’t deeply connected with my own feelings yet.  I didn’t understand all of the ways that shame presented itself. I was just at the beginning of truly knowing all of me, not just the fun parts. #heyoh I hadn’t/still haven’t discovered all of the things the world has to show me and as you know, I’m bout that growth!

 

2017 was the year that I was “supposed to embrace the feelings you’ve been shoving away for so long. This year is all about confronting the emotions that you have been trying to avoid.”-according to my horoscope which you know I think is everything…mostly bc this was absolutely right.

I realized I had some pieces of my puzzle missing.  I was struggling to identify what I was actually feeling after becoming sober and losing my Grandma Apple.  Having looked at the sunny side of life forever or using mind altering substances to avoid what I didn’t want to look at, I found myself submerged into the great unknown in my 30’s and I needed some help sorting through it all.

The help I needed came in the form of a therapist and healer that I’ve been seeing for almost a decade. #hiterri  She offered her assistance and I jumped on the chance.  I knew it was going to be tough but I trust her so much and I really wanted to dive off this cliff into greater understanding.  Pieces of my soul were missing. There weren’t as many tears as I  had expected.  We kept peeling layers off of this onion and a lot of things came up, but I hadn’t hit that pivotal point yet.  Until she finally asked me, what’s left, what’s trapped in there?  And without hesitation I said shame.  Honestly, it wasn’t so much that I said it as it came barreling out of me.  I surprised myself with this, I loved my body after all!

She said keep going and what I had needed to happen for 28 years happened…the floodgates opened.  I couldn’t stop sharing my feelings nor could I hold back the tears #bawling.  Turns out that since the tornado (more on that in a later post) I have subconsciously felt ashamed of having any negative feelings.  I didn’t want anyone to worry about me and I didn’t want my feelings to be a burden on others so I swallowed the overwhelming fear that was taking over my life and told everyone for the next couple of decades that everything was fine…great actually. By never letting myself tap into those feelings I was teaching myself that I was not worthy of having them…stunting my ability to ever know what or how I truly felt.

I’ve never cried so hard or felt so much relief.

I needed to look my shame in the face, hear myself say it out loud and let it the fuck go!  I am allowed to have all the feelings on earth and beyond and let me tell you something sisters…I do.  I feel everything now and everyday I am learning how to do it without judging myself.

I think I had to find myself and accept myself before I ever had a fighting chance of getting and staying healthy and it is a process that I imagine is never-ending.  Everything else has been a temporary fix…that shame was stalking me and watching my every move, whispering in my ear.  She sure wasn’t going to let me live my best life without a fight and without fully accepting and taking the things that scare me head on.  Who knew that my own feelings would be the thing I feared most? And I may not have seen the last of her, but next time I will yell from the top of my lungs,”I’m drowning, please help me.”

I know that I am not alone and I really appreciate you letting me spill me guts.  I wasn’t ready to share this for awhile.  I needed it to just be mine.  I had to start getting in touch with all of the feelings that I pushed violently to the side over the years, but I’m ready now.

This is what I have learned…I don’t know shit and we’re all just trying to figure it out together!  And I think that is so exciting.  If you are struggling with shame or finding your feelings, voice, self, insert blank…I am here for you.  We have to stick together bc it’s a lot less scary in the dark when we’re together.  I love y’all so much.

Xoxo,

Sara

Hello world!!!!  Sara over here.  Before we jump in today, I just want to thank everyone for all the love and for welcoming us back with open arms.  #hugsaremyfavorite #physicaltouchismylovelanguage

I may never stop crying!!!  Jenny and I were genuinely overwhelmed by your support and encouragement.  It’s intimidating to come back…after a year and a half hiatus…fat again…actually fatter…after you waxed poetic on how enlightened you were!!!

But you all made it so easy, so thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Now that I feel back and accepted and accepting of myself, I have learned a really valuable lesson….many valuable lessons actually, but lets start here: If I want to get healthy, I have to cook for myself.  Sounds so simple doesn’t it?!  But you guys, I had been out of my kitchen for so long!!!  If you’ll remember, I had it beautifully remodeled as I simultaneously QUICK COOKING and started eating out for literally every single meal! Which gets very old very quickly.  And you won’t even believe what else happens when you never visit your kitchen…you gain so much weight…like not a little bit, like ALL OF THE WEIGHT.  Why guys?!  Why is it so hard sometimes.  It makes me furious!!!

Why does it feel impossible to see the light or to simply see past the chicken nuggets and fries in your hand.  I personally find bad for you food incredibly comforting in down times and times of need.  It can become for me like a peer pressuring friend.  I seem to never be able to be satisfied, or better yet full. Hmmm, sounds like my addictive personality right!? Probably because the shitty food isn’t really what I need at all huh? And I can certainly hear reason in the back of my head screaming to be heard…Sara, don’t do this.  This isn’t what you want or need!!!!  But that only makes me go in to avoidance mode. #seeya

 

And when it gets to that place of avoidance and disappointment…and let’s be real; shame (more on that in a later post) the last thing I want to do is share my failures with everyone, when that is exactly the thing that I need to do the most.  But we just felt like, how many times can we say we’re getting back on track when we both felt the spiral happening. Honestly, I know so many people who can just do it, see what is wrong and turn it around before losing their way so deep in to the woods.  People are able to do what they need to do because it is the right thing.  “You don’t have to want to do it, you just have to do it” is a way that I desperately wish that I felt.  But I’m a dreamer…I have to want it!  There has to be a connection there for me to stay focused and feel connected to my vision. My mind has to be in the game for me to thrive.

So how do you escape the cycle, reconnect to reality, start back down the path of the life that you really wan and the life that you deserve?  Well, for me, it’s all about getting excited. Y’all know I love Pinterest and when I want to get myself excited about something, I start pinning me life away, which is precisely what I did!

I started to feel excited about what I was going to make.  And it was so nice to not worry about what I was going to be able to eat at work since I never actually schedule a lunch!  It is so stressful to forage for food each day, leaving early to stop and get something on the way in, trying to get onboard with whoever is leaving the building for food, UberEats, Postmates, and on and on.  Anyway, on my Pinterest binge for inspiration, I also found a lot of pins like “How I survived Whole 30” “Tips and Tricks” “Life hacks” etc and I found them to be so incredibly helpful.  It is so easy to feel alone in this struggle called health.  But reading that other people with perfect kitchens have tough days too somehow feels better.  It made me feel like, at my worst,  I’m not the only fuck up who publicly loses and gains weight as if it were their full time job and at my best, you are not alone and you are capable of anything.  So, if you are struggling to get excited about cooking, I’m going to share some things that I just love and that have made this process of eating healthier a lot easier !

Breakfast:

My new obsession #scorpio is this new to me coffee!  I have always loved a soy latte from Starbucks, but as I’m learning soy doesn’t love me the way I love it! My childhood bestie, Katie gets a cafe misto with almond milk, more coffee than milk.  So I tried it, but with decaf and loved it!  Then a friend turned me on to collagen peptides and MCT oil!  I added it into my Stabucks cup and fell in love.

Now this is when I know I’m getting back in to the swing of things…I thought to myself, “Self, you can make this better!” And I did…and it was everything!!!!

I take a Donut Shop Decaf K Cup and dump (after it has brewed) the coffee into the blender with 1 scoop collagen peptides, 2 tbsp MCT oil, 1/4 cup unsweetened coconut milk, 1 tsp raw honey and 1 tsp cinnamon and blend it all together…so filling, so satisfying.  *If you like really hot coffee, I would suggest warming up the coconut milk!

My next breakfast obsession is sweet potato waffles!  You can make a big batch, freeze them and then warm them up in the toaster the next day!  This has become a breakfast staple!

They are super easy to make and go well with everything and they are so pretty that it is our most requested recipe on Instagram.  This was from a blog called So Let’s Hang Out but for whatever reason, I can’t access it anymore, so here is the recipe:

1 boiled sweet potato, skin removed

3 eggs

1 cup cashews, roasted, unsalted

1 cup unsweetened coconut milk (from a can works best for consistency)

3 tbsp coconut oil or ghee (I prefer Coconut oil-better taste overall)

1 tbsp raw honey (try and get local if you can)

1 tsp baking soda (aluminum free)

1/4 tsp sea salt

Coconut oil spray for greasing the waffle iron

Toss all the ingredients in to a food processor and blend until you get a batter consistency!  Then grease your waffle iron and pour in the batter, enough to cover to griddle, but not so much that you are going to overflow when you close the iron.  They take anywhere from 3-5 minutes to cook.  Make sure to flip half way through. You want them to look golden brown.  I use the backside of two forks to shimmy them out, then I let them cool and divide the waffle in to two, put in baggies and freeze.  I typically get 4.5 waffles out of the batch which nets me 10 freeze-able servings!

I usually will cook some eggs, maybe bacon or chicken sausage  and add some avocados, tomatoes, and/or pears or even leftovers for the night before to round off the meal.

Another morning favorite is a smoothie…which for me ends up being a lot more like juice since I don’t love ice!

My favorite concoction is 2 handfuls of spinach, enough unsweetened coconut milk to cover the spinach in the blender, a handful of blueberries, 1 tbsp almond butter and a squeeze of a lime!  I know it sounds crazy but it is so good!

Lunch and Dinner:  I hate getting bored with something so I try to make two things at once so that I’m not eating the same thing for 2 meals! I like to do a meat and veggie and then a soup or some combination like that.  Here is a photo montage of my favs!

You can find most of these recipes on out Pinterest account.  You can find us under the handle Sara and Jenny BeardSmith hahahahaha and you can search under our pins! If you have any questions, just leave them in the comments…these were all too lengthy to put the entire recipe on here and I am still sadly technologically stumped to know how to put in a link to the recipes!

My two favorite things that I’ve made are the creamy chicken and leek soup and the egg roll in a bowl!!!  So good! Honorable mentions go to Whole 30 Sloppy Joe’s and Beef and Broccoli!

I could’t be happier to be back in the kitchen cooking, taking charge of my own nutrition and helping myself find a healthy path again.  I don’t operate well in the darkness and it feels so nice to be bathed in light again and back with our online community and support group.  I also can’t wait for me and Jenny to get a chance to cook together again!!!  I hope you find something that you want to make! I love you all so much!

See you again real soon!

 

 

 

Oh my gahhhhhhhh!!!!  Do you guys remember us!?!

Happy New Year!!!!  It’s Sara and I’m so glad to be writing again.   A big piece of me has been missing since we stopped sharing our lives with y’all.  I really hadn’t been feeling like myself until recently. Writing is something that I am meant to do and not only that, I NEED TO DO IT.

Somewhere along the way,  Jenny and I lost our way with the blog and our journey.  The first year was amazing. But, it was all too much, we were spiraling and didn’t see the big brick wall coming.  We were biting off more than we could chew and my obsessive, blind drive and uber controlling ways ruined it.  I sucked all the fun out of Meatballs for me and Jenny.  I turned a really fun and positive thing in to an unpaid job from hell!  I was addicted to the progress like a big bag of black tar heroine (is that how you buy heroine, a bag?! Bad example!) It felt like we weren’t even friends anymore. (That’s dramatic, but we weren’t even hanging out anymore)  So when we stopped, we were exhausted and we needed to find our friendship again.  Which thank goodness we did right away.  #sorryjenny #loveyou #meatballsforlife

I also realized that I needed some privacy.  We were sharing EVERYTHING! Our bodies, and our lives.  And that is what made the blog so great, so vulnerable and so relatable.  But it was also so hard to have anything that was sacred or just ours.  My pendulum swings wide, so I went from describing exactly how my then boyfriend dumped me in the middle of the night over text message, to dating my boyfriend for a year and a half without telling almost anyone. #balance I was (am) still grieving my sweet Grandma Apple.  I was struggling with comfort eating, getting sick all the damn time again, learning I had a mold allergy, getting my tonsils out, I was trying to learn how to have feelings, learning how to cope from childhood trauma from the tornado, etc…it was a lot and it was all coming up and bubbling over at once. #breakdown That takes us to 2017!

Last year has had so many highlights but it was honestly one of the toughest, most challenging ones I’ve experienced. Remember when I fell through that porch at our pal Katie’s wedding, well that was the beginning of a long, drawn out spiral into debilitating pain and ultimately surgery for a torn meniscus and a longer recovery period than I was expecting.

And you guys aren’t even going to believe what happened.  I GAINED A LITERAL TON OF WEIGHT.  I blew right past my highest weight and didn’t even look back.   My career is physical.  The pain started in November of ’16.  I did some holistic work and got to feeling a little better for about 4 months on and off.  But then it was downhill from there.  I was just surviving each day, which is super fucking depressing.  You get in to this cycle of I’m in pain so I can’t work out or I’ll hurt myself which makes me sad, and I can’t go grocery shopping so I’ll order some takeout and gain more weight, which puts more pressure on my knee… I spent a lot of time crying, taking anything that might take the edge off, trying to not move if I didn’t have to just so I wouldn’t miss work and spending a lot of time alone.

My high level of positivity is telling me to remind you all that I have an amazing family and the best group of close knit friends and I career that I absolutely love and that SO SO SO many great things have happened since we last spoke. I have so much to be grateful for!!!  I feel truly connected.

I have learned so much about myself and my needs.  I am finally feeling better than I have in a long time.  I had really unrealistic expectations #imaginethat of how long I would need to heal and how much I needed to help myself heal…that the surgery was only a bandaid if I didn’t start advocating for myself with myself. I started off December with a candida cleanse.  My body and mind are super sensitive to candida which feeds off of sugar…and guys, did I tell you how hard I fell off the wagon!?  To quote my adorable mother, “I started feeling like every meal needed to end with a dessert!”

The cleanse was a set of supplements taken daily and then a strict Whole 30 (no dairy, no sugar-even fruit, no grains, no soy, etc) style eating plan so as to starve out the candida #yeasty’all for about 3 weeks.  And guess what guys!?  There is fucking sugar in EVERYTHING!  Did you know that the all the breakfast meat on the Whole Foods hot bar has sugar in it and the grilled chicken nuggets at Chick-fil-a have sugar in them?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?  This was a turning point for me. I couldn’t rely on my little cheats that prevent me from making a real change.  It forced me to get back in the kitchen…which I love cooking as much as I love writing.

I mean, y’all, it was all so good!  How do we forget these things!?!? During this time I had an education team dinner, work potluck, family Christmas party, management team lunch, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day celebrations!

Because who doesn’t decide to make a huge life change during the holidays?  But you guyyyyyyyysssss…I did it.  I made it through all of these hurdles thanks to some focus on my part and the support of my tribe and reminded myself that I am a gah damn Boss.  Queen Sey (did you see what I did there?!) is back and humbled. I’m ready to learn all the lessons that the universe has to teach me.  I’m ready to really do this differently, with patience and acceptance.  Thanks for being a friend!  Thanks for still wanting to hear from us.  We need y’all and we’re sorry that we ghosted, but as you can read…we needed the hiatus to find ourselves…oh and for Jenny to have another sweet little girl! #nbd#babytatum

Love love love you. Hello 2018. Looking forward to chatting again real soon.

Xoxo,

Your loving meatballs