I am constantly surrounded by women and I couldn’t be happier about it.  Some ladies are not a fan of this situation…you hear things like “catty”, or I like being one of the guys…less drama….women are bitches.  I could not disagree more.  Don’t get me wrong…I love guys but I looooove the women who are in my life so much as well as my super powerful role models and idols whom I have yet to meet.  I have had the pleasure of creating life long bonds and incredible emotional intimacy with the smartest, funniest, most driven, sexiest, confident, powerful, witty, business minded, motherly, compassionate, inspirational, giving, sacrificing, creative, hard working, intuitive beings who have ever graced this earth.  I think women are so powerful and part of my lifes mission is to figure out why underneath all that we are very insecure, why we tear each other down, how we can break through the glass ceiling and how we can feed ourselves the positive inner dialogue that makes strong women stronger.  I have lots of women in my family, most of my friends are female, my doctor, chiropractor, structural integration practitioner and massage therapist and trainer are women, one of my two bosses is a woman,  almost all of my coworkers are women and 95% of my clients are ladies as well.  Being surrounded by all different types of women has taught me that there is a major theme that plays throughout most women’s lives.  Our feelings of self worth are a little off and I think that that comes from the things that we say to ourselves…the conversations that we have in our mind or  possibly in a very secret diary are deplorable…talk about your own worst enemy!?  Try complimenting a women on her dress…most will inevitably tell you how she got it on clearance at Target.  Instead of simply thanking you, we devalue what you are complimenting because of our self worth or lack there of. A couple of months ago my sister posted a documentary that a woman from New Zealand made about women’s body image. The documentarian asked a bunch of very different women on the street to describe their bodies, most said disgusting.  What an incredibly powerful word.  That word carries so much weight…i can see it when you say it.  The insecurities that are so hardwired into women and perpetuated by their own toxic dialogue is astounding.  As you are reading this, you might relate and think of glancing in the mirror this morning and being less than pleased with you fill in the blank…that new wrinkle under your eye, your curly hair that you wish was straight, the number staring back at you on the scale. Did any of these things illicit a pep talk or did it become a very dark bashing session of yourself?!  Since when did a gray hair or a muffin top make you as a person worthless or less than. We had a life coach come into the salon earlier this year and she talked a lot about road blocks that we create ourselves that keep us from achieving our goals.  One of the main ones was inner dialogue.  And the most powerful thing that this lovely women bestowed upon us was this little nugget of wisdom…think about your best friend.

#thesearemine

Would you ever say the things that you say to yourself to your best friend?! (You are fat, stupid, ugly, worthless…)If you heard her saying those same things to herself wouldn’t you try to intervene?!  What if someone else was saying these things that we put ourselves down with everyday to your bff…wouldn’t you be irate!?  So why on earth would you ever say such terrible and quite frankly, untrue things to yourself! about yourself?!  Where does self worth come from…where does self loathing come from…where does confidence come from…where do insecurities come from.  You guys aren’t even going to believe this but it all comes from the exact same place….your mind!  I feel very lucky to have always had a pretty clear head on my shoudlers when it came to self esteem and I know that I am not the only one…plenty of women feel amazing. But I grew up watching my sister do it…even as grown ups.  And I just couldn’t understand…she had this great body and was so funny and so great at her job and as a mom…but none of that could overcome the crushing insecurity that consumed her and made her feel like she wasn’t worth happiness.  She has come such a long way and truly loves and accepts herself now but she and lots of the other women that I come into contact with daily really opened my eyes to most people’s reality.  It makes me sooo incredibly sad seeing the damage that women do to themselves.  For whatever reason I was handed a big tall glass full of piping hot self awareness and love, so  I wanted to share some things that help me feel empowered and powerful everyday.

First off, I have identified the things that make me insanely happy…and I do them!  Music is my number one mood changer and elevator.  Beyonce never fails to brighten and pump up my mornings!

#obvisheismystyleicon

Taking care of myself is suuuuper important…if I don’t get enough sleep, water or food my rose colored glasses get tinged with shit very quickly.  I like being happy and positive so taking care of me is a big priority!

I love water…drinking it, swimming in it, hearing the ocean, smelling the saltwater…so several beach trips a year make me so happy.

I love trying new things…exploring is my favorite.

Spending time with the ones I love…

I also really love fashion, so saving money for little clothes sprees are a big one for a smile producer.

Coffee is my new obsesh!!!

I love to laugh so I surround myself with people who are hilarious!!!

And I love doing nice things for other people. All of these things keep my happiness tank full of love.

I don’t talk shit to myself.  My harshest comment is get your head in the game Beard or FOCUS.  A misstep is not a reason to fall from where I stand, it is a reason to stand taller and try harder. Also there are so many people who could try to bring you down, don’t be mean to yourself!!!  You should love you sooooo much. I think the last thing I said to myself in the mirror was…gahhhh I hope I’m always this adorable!!!

If you don’t love you…who else can!?  If the way that you feel about yourself is completely dependent on others opinions or acceptance of you..your life and worth will fluctuated wildly!  There is nothing like the love and adoration of someone else brightening up your day but it is a lot of pressure on the other person if they are soley responsible for your  emotional existence.

This speaks to sex as well.  I am a huge fan of sex…it feels great, it releases endorphins, its a healthy function for your body, its sooo hot, it’s the best release, it makes you feel more connected and did I mention how amazing it feels?!!  But if you don’t know how to make yourself happy…you know what I’m talking about right ladies…then who else can.  I think knowing how to pleasure yourself solo is sooo incredibly important.  A confident women is a sexy woman.  Plus its just so fun and amazing and talk about trying new things!  When you feel sexy and empowered there isn’t anything or anyone who can stop you and there is honestly noooo better way to get to know yourself winky face…so get in that bed…with OR without someone else!!!

#RIPJoan #lotsoflittlejoannuggets

Having, building and maintaing healthy relationships with those around you is a great way to stay on top and to find validation outside of yourself.  I feel amazing because I take care of and love myself and I don’t tear myself down, but when my sister laughs hysterically at my jokes

or my parents tell me that they are proud of me

or that cute guy says he had a great day off bc he got to see  you…

…talk about cloud nine!!!  I want to have healthy relationships with everyone I know!!!

This also helps me to keep evolving as a person.  I want to be the best version of myself and the only way to do that is to be positively self aware and to want to make changes because YOU want them. Change is good.  If you think everyone around you is an asshole you may need new friends but more than likely…you’re probably an asshole! Believe me, I’ve been there!!! haha

My dream is that everyone…not just women bc I know that men struggle with self esteem as well, can find a way to really love and accept themselves.  What would we be capable of if we weren’t our own worst enemies or if we weren’t the ones holding ourselves back?!

What if you embraced your thighs…your bacne (back acne), your age, your double chin, that heinous scar on my right foot, the fact that you snore, the joke that totally bombed, your swamp ass, your frizzy hair, your SAT scores, the fact that you didn’t go to college, the fact that you’re too tall or too short.

I know it may not be for everyone but stripping down to your skivvies and writing your weight on a chalk board with your best friend and putting it on the internet is a great start…talk about nothing to hide and fully accepting yourself!…it’s super fucking freeing!

What if you loved yourself so much that anyone elses opinion was just icing on the cake….or almond butter on your banana if you’re doing paleo!? What if you chose to be with someone because you wanted them, not because you needed them.  How freeing!!!!!  And what a foreign concept but it is my wish and my mission.  If everyone saw in themselves what we see in them life would be a whole lot nicer and happier.  Find your inner Yonce…or whoever that might be for you.  Love you all…seriously soooo much.